FSOG- Christian Claus
by ruby34
Summary: Christian is alone and his grumpy self. It is two weeks before Christmas when Christian hears Andrea talking about donating to a GoFundMe page of a single mom that has lost everything in a house fire. HEA no cheating
1. Christian Claus

**FSOG - Christian Claus**

Chapter 1

 **Christian POV**

December 12, 2016

GEH is covered with sparkling lights, Christmas trees, menorahs and decorations to represent a host of religions and ethnicities. Holiday music is being piped through the elevators and common areas. I think I might vomit if I see any more holidays cheer. Everyone is so excited this week.

Although today is a Monday everyone is trying to get as much as they can completed so they can enjoy the nine days off at the end of the week.

After several months of pestering I gave in and agreed to give Grey House staff the week of Christmas off. I usually only give Christmas day off but Ros caught me in a good mood after we closed the Vestas deal. She knew how excited I would be to get my hands on the Danish wind turbine manufacturer. What was I thinking?! We will have a ghost team on and all my top executives know that no matter what, they are still on call twenty-four seven. It is in their contracts and the ridiculous amount of money I pay them should have them at my beck and call.

I arrive at the top floor and it looks like Santa's fucking workshop. What the fuck have they done?

Just as I am about to chastise my office staff, Olivia hands me my coffee. Instead of my normal coffee cup, in my hands is some weird ass contraption. It is shaped as Santa's body, little boots come out the bottom and it even looks as though Santa's hat is hanging off the top. It also has a candy cane sticking out of the top of the hideous thing.

"Olivia what is this fucking thing you handed me? Andrea why does it look like Santa fucking Claus is going to be taking pictures with kids on the executive floor of Grey House?" I feel like I am going to explode, Olivia looks like she might shrink into oblivion and Andrea has yet to speak.

"Sir, that is peppermint coffee and we added a candy cane to help sweeten it. Just trying to be a little festive, the decorations well sir", Andrea never stutters. This is madness!

"Spit it out Andrea, I don't have all day." I am losing my patience.

Finally she straightens up and looks more like her normal confident self.

"Sir, your mother arranged for the kids from Coping Together to come and see Santa. They are having lunch in the banquet hall with the GEH employees that volunteered to sponsor a family. This will be the first time some of those families get to meet their sponsor family. The GEH employee's family is also coming. We have seventy sponsored families that have RSVP. Combine that with the GEH families.. we have about a thousand people attending. Ros suggested that we had Santa separate from everyone else. This was all sent to you in the Christmas program for this week. It includes the toys for tots pick up and the list of employees that are helping out in the GEH outreach programs. I can change your coffee if it is not to your liking." Andrea explains everything I should already know.

I only skimmed the Christmas program. I don't usually do that but I haven't enjoyed Christmas since I was 15.

After handing my coffee to Andrea I walk into my office. At least my sanctuary is free from all the holiday garbage. I check my emails and delete all the crap about GoFundMe. I don't know why Mia is sending me this shit. She knows I hate this junk. The one time I looked at GoFundMe was when Elliot sent me a link; He told me that it was urgent. I clicked on the link and it was some lazy ass trying to get other people to fund his trip to the Super bowl. Seriously people are that stupid to send someone else money just because. I mean GEH donates millions each month and I personally donate to many charities; but really how is going to a sporting event can be that important? I could sympathize if it was make a wish foundation and I have given them money but Joe Shmoe can watch the game on his TV or at the bar.

The day is dragging and I keep hearing people talking about this GoFundMe. What is going on? I don't pay these people to be messing around on company time. I just finished meeting with my marketing and advertising directors. They want me to do more holiday advertisements. Not going to happen. Each of my subsidiaries has an M&A budget, which is not going up just so they can put out a commercial with Santa in it. As I walk past Andrea and Olivia I hear them mention GoFundMe. I am not sure if I should fire everyone or find out what is going on.

"Andrea what is everyone going on about, I have heard dozens of people talk about this GoFundMe today?"

"Well sir, there is a local family, actually a single mother and her very young son. Her house was set on fire by her former boss. She had said no to his advances. One night she was about to leave, when he attacked her in the staff kitchen. She took him down with some military moves and he was fired. Apparently he was released on bail the other night. He went to her home and was pounding on the door. He threw rocks through the windows and tried to break down the door. When she wouldn't let him in he started to pour gasoline around the house. She had already called 911 but they hadn't arrived yet. The young mother did have a gun and she took a shot at him through the window. They believe she got his leg. He is still on the loose. Before he left he started a fire and the house went up in no time. The door was jammed and glass and smoke were everywhere. She couldn't get out of the house. They were trapped. Just as the police and fire department arrived she was able to break through the door. The little boy's pajamas caught on fire. Luckily there were minor burns and some smoke inhalation. The mom got lots of cuts from the glass and some burns and other injuries. The GoFundMe page was set up by her friends to help pay for the medical bills and hopefully get some Christmas toys in time. The house is gone and they have nothing. Even the clothes they were wearing were burned. It has been all over the news. I can't imagine everything she is going through." As Andrea finishes the story she and Olivia are crying. I see Ros has joined us and my ball-buster second in command has a few tears. That's a first. I have to admit I feel bad. I am not crying, I haven't done that since I was four.

Ros gives me that look, she knows me well enough to not say anything but already knows what will happen. I just nod.

"Andrea, forward me the link to the GoFundMe page please and any other information you have. Get Barney and Welch in my office in fifteen minutes."

As I walk back into my office I think about that little boy not having anything for Christmas. I remember my first Christmas as a Grey. I didn't want to open any of the gifts, they all looked so pretty. I was afraid if I opened them they would disappear. I watched Elliot tear into his boxes and colorful paper and ribbons flew everywhere. Each box had another surprise. The only way that they could convince me to open a present was that Grace would re-wrap a few that I could keep in my room. I meticulously un-wrapped each gift making sure not to tear the wrapping paper so it could be reused; It was so shiny and bright. I was so used to dingy and dirty brown. The bright colors were all so new. The only thing I had to compare the Grey's Christmas was to just before the crack whore over dosed. She had a few days that she told me everything was going to be different. We made a Christmas tree out of paper bags. We used the little crayons that I had to color it and attach it to the dirty, sticky walls. I even had my first ever present. It was a toy car just in a paper bag from the liquor store on the corner. I was so excited. I really believed that things would change. I was happy for just a moment. Then he came back and tore up the tree. I could hear him beating her from the cabinet under the sink. I hoped that my new hiding spot would keep him from finding me. I remember it got quiet and then he grabbed me and threw me across the room so I hit the wall where my handmade Christmas tree had been. He left and whatever he gave her was too much because that was the night she over dosed. I spent the next few days playing with my car and trying to wake her. She eventually started to smell. When the police showed up and they took me to the hospital they left my prized possession, my toy car. It took years of being with the Greys to believe that everything was not going to be taken away from me. I had to learn to not over eat, that the refrigerator would always have food. My mission was not to become rich; my mission has always been to never be poor, never be hungry and to help others that are in a bad situation.

I loved Christmas for years. That first Christmas Grace re-wrapped several of the boxes as promised. I kept those in my room all year. They helped remind me of the good and colorful parts of life instead of focusing on the darkness of my nightmares. It wasn't until a few years later that Mia was adopted. She was born at the end of November and Carrick and Grace brought her home two weeks before Christmas. She was so tiny. As soon as I held her I knew that I had to protect her and that she would never hurt me. She had a special clean baby smell, and the way that she would hold on to my finger and just coo would make me smile. I was always worried that she wasn't getting enough to eat but eventually I found out what the different cries meant. My first word after two years of self-imposed silence was Mia.

I don't know what brought on those memories. I have ten minutes until Barney and Welch are supposed to be here so I decide to call Mia. I really do need to spend more time with my family. Get it together Grey! Where is this touchy feely crap coming from?

I shake my head and try to forget the memories as I call Mia.

"Hello Christian, how are you doing?" Mia is always so chipper; I don't know how she does it.

"I am good Mia, I just got out of a long day of meetings and wanted to see how you were doing?"

"I am good, just really busy!" She sounds tired what could be so exhausting about shopping all day?

"Oh, did you find a job or was there a sale at the mall?"

"Seriously Christian I don't need you to be an ass, if you are only calling to talk about my lack of employment I have more important things to do, good bye!" CLICK.

WTF… Did Mia just hang up on me? Nobody hangs up on me. I know my sister can be a spoiled brat and that is mostly my fault because of the black AMEX she has, but she has never acted like this. I call her three more times and she doesn't answer. Something must be going on. I text Taylor to get in here as I call the house line, he arrives at the same time as Welch and Barney. I motion for everyone to sit. I press speaker phone just as Mia answers.

"Grey residence Mia speaking"

"Mia, what is going on? Why the fuck are you hanging up on me?" I am trying to control my temper but I am losing the battle here.

"Christian my friend and her son were almost killed over the weekend. I have spent many hours at her house and I was there three hours before the incident. Now her son is in the ICU and she has third degree burns. Sorry if I am not in the mood for your weekly speech about how I should apply myself. I am trying to find some clothes for her right now so I got to go, Bye!"

"Mia STOP! What are you talking about? What friend? What do you mean you were just in that house?" I am seething; all control is out the window.

"Jesus, Christian didn't you read the GoFundMe email I sent you this morning?" Mia shouts

"Mia, what does that have to do with this?"

"Christian, my friend Kate and I set up the GoFundMe for our friend Ana. She is the woman that's home got burned down. Her son is 3 years old, his name is Jaxson. She was engaged to her high school boyfriend who was Jaxson's father. He was a year older then her and in the Army. He died while deployed. He never even got to meet his son. Anyway, her father is in the army also. He is a general, he is also deployed and we haven't been able to get in contact with him to let him know what is going on."

"Mia how long have you known her, how do know this isn't a scam?" I feel bad for this Ana and her son but it seems very convenient. I need to make sure.

"Christian, give me a little credit, I have known her since I started at WSU. We met at the beginning of freshmen year. That was four years ago. Kate and I co-hosted her baby shower. Mom and dad have met her bunch of times. If you weren't such an anti-social ass you would know her too. Anyways, she didn't find out she was pregnant until half way through the first semester. Her fiancé had already been deployed. He didn't make it back before Jaxson was born and he didn't make it back alive. He never got to hold his son. In any case, Ana worked her butt off and was able to graduate early. She had her dream job as an assistant editor at SIP until her boss got more and more inappropriate. He even gave me the creeps."

"Mia, what do you mean?" Has she been putting herself in danger and she hasn't told me or Elliot.

"I would pick Ana up from work sometimes, the way her boss would look at her like she was a piece of meat. She told him many times that she wasn't interested and even told human resources. They did nothing. One time I went to pick her up but had to use the ladies room and he started to ask me out and I flat out told him to get lost. He didn't like that and tried to tell me that he was some bigwig in the publishing world. I already knew he wasn't, not that it would have mattered and he was a complete sleaze ball. I tried to convince Ana to quit. I even told her I would put in a good word with you so she could get a job at GEH. She flat out said no. She doesn't like to take favors or anything from anyone. A week later, Jack attacked Ana in the staff kitchen of SIP. Kate was meeting her that day for dinner. Kate got worried when Ana didn't answer her phone; when Kate got inside she and the receptionist convinced security to go in search of Ana. Jack had locked himself and Ana in the staff kitchen. Security broke down the door and found Jack on the ground but Ana's dress torn and bruises to her arms and face. Ana was able to take him down after the initial shock of the attack. Luckily her dad had taught her plenty of self-defense moves just in case." Mia finally takes a breath so I can start to talk.

"Jack what? What is this asshole last name?"

"Jack Hyde" Mia states as if just the mention of his name makes her sick.

"First things first Mia, Your CPO will be moving from covert to close protection and I don't want any arguments. If this guy is willing to murder a woman and a child he won't have a problem taking you out. I am guessing he has no idea who you are so at least he won't expect you to have protection." I am not giving Mia room to argue on this.

"Fine, but can your undercover giant dress normally so he doesn't stick out like a sore thumb? Also can he pretend to be my friend? I like to talk, at least allow them to have a conversation with me. Please Christian!" I hate saying no and she knows it.

"That will be acceptable." I give in

"Also, I will be going to yoga at six and then to the hospital to see Ana. I also have a spin class at 7 tomorrow morning. I hope your giant is flexible and can fit his butt on those little bicycle seats."

"Thank you for being agreeable, I will see what I can do to help your friend. I will ask Taylor to get in touch with some of his military contacts and see if they can get a hold of your friend's dad. Use my card and go purchase some clothes for your friend and her son."

"Thank you Christian, you are the best! Sorry I hung up on you."

"Bye Mia, please let me know what is happening and no ditching your CPO I am serious. I will take away your new car if you do." Mia giggles and says goodbye.

I look up and Welch, Barney and Taylor all know what I expect. Barney is the first to speak up.

"I have confirmed everything your sister, Andrea and the news have said. In the file you will find a background check on Ms. Steele, information on her son, a background check on her deceased fiancé Paul Clayton, what we could find on her father, Raymond Steele. Actually General Steele, his military clearance is pretty high, so most of the information on him is generic. I also included information on a Carla Mae Morton Wilkes Lambert Adams Smith Flores Zucko. Apparently Ms. Steele's mother is a character… From what I can tell, they haven't been in contact with each other since she married Stephen Morton, a known child molester. Mr. Steele used his contacts to have her parental rights terminated." I thought the crack whore was bad. At least she was a teenager and under the influence of god knows what. This lady seems like a complete flake. I wonder what her daughter is like. On paper they are completely different. She was a star student, involved in every activity that is not a sport, she scored perfect on SAT's and ACT's, she got into all the Ivy League colleges. I wonder why she choose WSU, not that it is bad, just curious. She worked through high school and college although her father's bank account suggests that was not needed. She has zero debt and the house she owned, although a small two bedroom, she owned it outright which is hard to do in Seattle. No credit cards and zero student loans. Ms. Steele seems more of an enigma the more I read.

"Welch what can you tell me?"

"Well Hyde is hiding out somewhere. No activity on his credit cards and since he was just released from jail a week ago, the only address we have is a halfway house that stated to the police that he has not been back since the morning prior to the fire. He was put in jail for six months for the attack on Ms. Steele. Barney took the liberty of looking into SIP's personnel records and Hyde had a series of assistants, none lasted even three months but all would give glowing reviews when they would leave." Welch states, I am not asking how they got into SIP's personnel records - the less I know the better.

"That sounds fishy, I have had some assistants leave and even they say it is because they can't handle the demands of working for someone as demanding as myself. Stop smiling guys I know what my personality is like I don't pay you for that." All three burst out laughing before getting serious again.

"Taylor I want covert security for Ms. Steele and her son. I will go tonight and introduce myself and see what else I can do to help. I don't like the thought of this guy getting to anyone in my family and if she is close to them they will all be coming to the hospital. What else do you suggest security wise?" I haven't even met this woman, why do I care? I could just tell my family to stay away, but even I know that won't work.

Taylor finally speaks up, "I think we need to have extra undercovers on any floor that your family will be on. With so many people being off, I might need to bring in some extra people. I know a few guys that have recently left the service. It won't be cheap."

"Seriously Taylor, you never have a budget when it comes to my family and security. Now tell me you want me to pay extra so they dress up as Santa and I might give you a hard time."

"Very well sir. Also I will work on getting a hold of General Steele. What should I tell him once I get a hold of him" Taylor looks at a loss. Well that's a first. Welch and Barney are also looking down.

"Taylor, she wasn't a sub, tell him the truth. Explain who I am and that my sister is best friends with his daughter. Arrange for the GEH jet to be as close as possible to his location. If we have to call in a few favors let me know. I have been putting up with Senator Blandino's daughter for over a year. I don't think Olivia has said a complete sentence to me without breaking down. That should get me something." These three men and Gail are the only people that know all about my lifestyle. I don't know why they are all becoming shy now.

"Lastly, Barney, I need you to arrange for all hospital bills to be paid by me. I don't care if it is done anonymously or if you have everyone in finance sign an NDA, just get it done. Also I need you to create me a fake account link to a real credit card. I want to pay off the GoFundMe page for Ms. Steele and her son. Thank you gentlemen, I expect you to keep me updated. I don't want Jack Hyde near my family. I will introduce myself to Ms. Steele tonight and talk to her about moving security closer."

After finishing up two more meetings that I was completely distracted during, I receive the GoFundMe account information. All the pictures are of a brunette and her son. The little boy is always the focus of the picture. It seems as though the original goal set by Mia and Kate was $50,000 but that has been surpassed. The account now has $200,000. Since nobody knows that I will be paying the medical bills this will all be going to Ms. Steele and her son. I decide to match what they have. I enter $200,000 and type "Merry Christmas" as the comment. Nobody will think that it's from me. Maybe I should of written Bah humbug. Once I have the confirmation it has gone through I let Taylor know that we will be leaving for the hospital.

We arrive at Northwest Hospital after stopping at a toy store and getting a few items for Ms. Steele's son. I don't know why but I just feel connected to him. I know what it is like to never know your father and loose everything you had in one night. At least he still has his mom.

I think about going and seeing my mom first but then I would need to explain why I am acting this way. I could have Taylor speak with Ms. Steele, I really don't need to get personally involved but for some reason I can't stay away.

Barney lets me know that Ms. Steele should be in her own room but she is refusing to leave her sons room. I make my way to his room. I see a tiny little body attached to so many tubes and wires. Sleeping in a chair with her hair over her face is who I am guessing is Ms. Steele. She is also in a hospital gown, also attached to an IV. It looks like her legs and maybe arms were injured because she has some kind of medical bandages covering both legs and her left arm.

As soon as I close the door she pops up looking at all the machines and searching her son for any change. Once satisfied that he is fine she turns towards the door.

As soon as I see her I regret coming to the hospital. She looks at me with a questioning glance.

"Christian?" she says.

Why didn't Welch or Barney provide me with a picture? Looking at her beautiful sapphire blue eyes and long mahogany hair that is thrown up into a messy bun I know that I am a goner. I can tell she is the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen, the hospital gown, the bandages and injuries take nothing away from her beauty. I can feel my pants getting tight. I need to discreetly readjust myself before she notices. I need to say something before she thinks I am crazy. I reach out my hand.

"Hello, I am Christian Grey but you already knew that" as soon as our hands touch there is a spark. Something I have never felt before. The look on her face tells me she felt it too. Just as I am about to say something I hear a little voice coming from the hospital bed.

"Mommy its Santa, Toys!"

More to come, this will only be a short Christmas Story.

Thank you to my amazing Betas Hofit, , Jeanette and Heather.

I am still very new at writing stories, so please be patient. I will not abandon a story. Thanks for reading and

Reviewing. More to come soon.


	2. Are you Santa?

**Are you Santa?**

"Momma its Santa, Toys!"

Far too Quickly Ms. Steele pulls her tiny hand from mine. I feel the loss. How can she be doing this to me? I don't even know her. How did she know my name? Was I right that this is a scam? I am reminded of the little boy in the bed; Ms. Steele seems far too caring to put her son through that. Now the Crack whore would have done it in a minute if she thought anyone would have cared. I guess I am lucky that the internet and social media were not around then.

The little boy asks "Are you Santa?" Did he hit his head? I am not an old fat guy that sneaks into people's homes spreading holiday cheer. Just as I am about to be my usual asshole self I remember that I am holding a bag of presents and he just lost everything he owns. Get it together Grey. She's a goddess but that's not happening, remember why you are here.

"Hi Jaxson, I heard that you were hurt. I am not Santa Claus; I am one of his helpers. He is busy at the North Pole getting your presents ready and we wanted you to have some holiday cheer while you are in the hospital."

"Are you one of Santa's elves?" He questions

"You can say that."

I try to smile and sound cheerful. I think it is coming off as the creepy old neighbor. Ms. Steele is giving me that look Grace gave me when she knew Elliot or I was up to something. Do they hand out a How-to book when you become a parent. " Looks that will scare you kids shitless and how to master each one ?" That's eerie, I can terrify a board room but one look from this tiny waif and I am reconsidering every word that comes out of my mouth. I need to make nice with Ms. Steele.

"Jaxson once you are feeling up to it and your mom says okay these presents are for you." Oh shit, that look. What did I say now?

"Jaxson this is auntie Mia's brother. Say thank you for the gifts." Why do I feel jealous of Mia being so close to them that she has an honorary title as Auntie?

"Tank you!...does that mean he's my uncle too?" Jaxson asks so sweetly, he is so innocent. How anyone could hurt a helpless child is beyond me. Before I know what I am saying the words are out of my mouth.

"I would love to be your Uncle Christian, Mia and I used to have so much fun as kids, maybe when you are up to it we can go have some fun. Do you like baseball?"

" I wuv baseball my papa and I watch the Mariner's, football is my favorite. Do you like the…. Seabirdies?" He looks so cute trying to figure out the team names.

"I love the Sea Hawkes and the Mariners. I have box seats at both. We could go with Mia, my brother Elliot and of course your mom." This is the first time I have looked at Ms. Steele in the few minutes that I have been speaking to her son. She has a fake smile on her face but I can tell she is mad. It is like the cartoons when I was a kid and the steam is coming out of Yosemite Sam's ears. Oops I am in trouble again. A knock on the door distracts Ms. Steele before she has a chance to throw me out the window.

"Hello, I am Megan from the child life department. I wanted to see if Jaxson had any questions about his procedure? I have a little doll here that I can show you what the doctors will be doing? I also have my special bag of prizes." I am so confused, what is going on. The little boy looks fine, he has the wires on him, a few bandages and IV but everything else looks normal. What am I missing? His voice is a little hoarse but he has been speaking to me. The woman pulls out a bunch of wires and tubes that look like they belong in an operating room. I want to scream "What is going on?" but I doubt that would be welcomed at the moment.

I think Ms. Steele has completely forgotten that I am in the room. Over the next hour Megan carefully explains the procedure of a bronchoscopy to Jaxson (and me). She uses child friendly examples, videos on her tablet to show the operating room and lets him perform a fake procedure on the doll. Apparently it is a procedure that looks at the damage done to the lungs using a scope which is a little camera. He will be asleep and will feel no pain. From what I am hearing and searching on my phone while sitting towards the back of the room Jaxson has asthma. He isn't showing the clinical improvements that he should from the smoke inhalation. His pulse oximeter which is the little ET looking light on his finger is measuring the oxygen levels in his blood and they continue to drop.

I know that I just met this little boy but I just want to hold him. He is calm and talking to this woman like he doesn't have a care in the world. Ms. Steele has asked every question imaginable and seems to be taking everything very calmly. I am the complete opposite. I am usually the great at keeping my mask on but my poker face has disappeared.

Jaxson has fallen asleep. Just as a Megan from the child life department leaves. They will definitely be getting a donation from me.

Although our circumstances are much different I can't help wondering why I wasn't given this kind of treatment. I remember being held down as they tried to clean my burns when I first arrived at the hospital in Detroit. Nobody explained what they were doing. I was told to stay still; the doctor was mean. I screamed from the pain of someone touching me, I screamed at the fear of being held down like the pimp used to do before he used me as an ashtray. I screamed because I wanted my mom. I screamed and kicked each time they tried to touch a festering scab. I screamed until I couldn't scream anymore. I remember seeing Grace for the first time. I saw the anger in her eyes but it was directed at the adults not me. Once she looked at me it was completely different. Grace came in and held me and explained that my wounds were infected and needed to be cleaned no avoid further infection or complications. She didn't have a tablet like Megan just used but she made sure I knew what was happening. She dismissed the other doctors and nurses. She apologized for their behavior. Then she brought out a large mirror. I remember being confused until she sat me on her lap and cleaned each of my wounds. At first she held the gauze in my hand; she even washed my hands and put latex gloves on me. I could see what was being done. Although I was not really in control I knew what was happening. Grace's voice was soft and sweet; she never raised her voice. It was the beginning of a new world. I got more kindness in one night than I had in my lifetime. I remember feeling safe for the first time. Grace has been my angel ever since.

Lost in thought I didn't notice a doctor walk in. "Hello Ms. Steele, I am Doctor Fox . I am the pulmonologist on call. I have reviewed your son's records and I agree with his doctors that a bronchoscopy is the next step. I am afraid you will need to go to your room and will not be able to stay in here any longer."

"What are you talking about? He is three years old I am not leaving him alone. He needs me. My burns will not stop me from taking care of my son." I had thought Ms. Steele was mad at me. Now she looks like she is about to throttle the doctor. At the moment my money is on her.

"It is hospital policy, besides he will not be alone if his father can stay in the room." Dr. Fox gestures towards me. Wait what did he say? I think this is the first time Ms. Steele has realized that I am still in the room.

"That is not Jaxson's father and I will not be leaving my sons side, hospital policy can stick it where the sun don't shine." As much as I like seeing the feisty side of Ms. Steele I know she is not at one hundred percent so I decide to throw my weight around.

"Hello Doctor Fox. You can't throw a mother out of her son's room." I am trying to be civil when Doctor Jackass cuts me off.

"Sir if you are not the child's father you need to leave as well. You can't tell me what needs to be done." This doctor is digging his own grave. I stand at full height and am in Dom mode.

"I can do whatever the fuck I want. Call the hospital board and ask them who just built the newest wing of this hospital, who the biggest donor to the hospital is and while you're at it call Dr. Grace Trevelyan Grey my mother and also the head of THIS pediatric department. Let's see what they all say, shall we?" I love the moment when people realize they have fucked up and are messing with the wrong person. I may not know Ms. Steele and her son very well but I do know what it is like to be a scared little kid in the hospital. That's not happening to Jaxson if I can help it.

"I uh… we don't need to do that.. really I am sorry for the confusion, I am sure we can figure something out." Sorry too late jack ass. I tried to be nice. I scroll through my contacts and find the president of the hospital board mobile number. Of course she answers on the first ring. Just to fuck with Doctor Jackass I turn on the speakerphone.

" Mr. Grey how may I help?" You can feel the sucking up through the phone. This should be fun.

" Hello Mrs. Curtis, I am currently in a room in your pediatric department and apparently Dr. Fox wants me to leave. I am visiting a patient and her son. Correct me if I am wrong, didn't I pay for the remodeling of this department two years ago?"

"Mr. Grey you are in the hospital? I am so sorry. I…" I cut off the sucking up so I can get to my point.

"Mrs. Curtis please get down to the pediatric floor now. The patients are Jaxson and Anastasia Steele. While you are at it please page my mother to this room. I believe she is in the emergency department." I hang up and look at Ms. Steele; for once she has a smile and doesn't look mad at me. Jaxson is still asleep and Doctor Jackass is sweating through his scrubs. I guess you should have played nice. Within minutes several board members and my mother are walking into the room.

Grace and Ms. Steele hug. Grace gasps when she sees the bandages covering her body as well as a tiny sleeping Jaxson. My mother is the first to speak.

"Ana what is going on, what happened to you and Jaxson? Christian dear what are you doing here?" Well thanks mom that wasn't really helpful.

"I came to help Ms. Steele. Mia explained what happened. I was just offering some support. Apparently Doctor Jackass" That same damn look Ms. Steele gave me is now coming from my mom. "Sorry Doctor Fox was trying to kick myself and Jaxson's mother out of the room. Not only do I find it abhorrent that a child be in the room scared and by himself when his mother is capable and willing to be present. I also don't appreciate the way he was speaking to either of us. How does he speak to other patients that don't have the hospital president's number in their phone? If you expect for me to continue to be this hospitals biggest donor I suggest you fix this situation NOW!" Doctor Jackass is given handful of dirty looks and told to leave and he will be dealt with. Ms. Steele explains what happened, how he insisted that she leave the room because of policy and that he is scheduled to have a bronchoscopy.

"Mrs. Steele I apologize for Doctor Fox. Nobody will be kicking you out of his room. I will be moving you both to a larger room so that we can have a second bed moved in for you so you can get some rest. I will page Dr. Palmer our top pediatric pulmonologist and if it is okay with Dr. Trevelyan and if it is alright with you I will be assigning you as the head physician for both patients. I know Ms. Steele is not a peds patient but you can coordinate with the rest of the specialists. Any friend of Mr. Grey will definitely be getting the executive treatment." This pisses me off, I know people want to treat me differently because of who I am but shouldn't all patients get the best care. I will need to bring this up at the next meeting I have with the board.

"Thank you Mrs. Curtis I appreciate that. Will the bronchoscopy still be today?" I wonder if Ms. Steele has slept at all. She looks exhausted.

"Ana as soon as Doctor Palmer gets here we will go over everything and see if Jaxson is stable to wait until morning. I will go over his chart and be back." Grace and Ana hug before my mother walks out. What the hell, did she forget I was even in the room? Apparently I am forgettable today.

"Mrs. Curtis I expect the very best care for these two. I do not want Doctor Fox back on this floor and if there are any problems I will be holding you responsible. I believe we have a meeting at the beginning of the year to go over 2017 donations!" I turn toward Ms. Steele dismissing the board members so they can initiate the changes.

"Thank you Christian I appreciate the assistance. What are you still doing here? I thought you left hours ago?" The feisty Ms. Steele is back.

"I wanted to offer some help. Mia told me what happened, actually the GoFundMe page told me the most but then Mia explained and I wanted to help out." The look of surprise and disgust is on Ms. Steele's face.

"Christian what are you talking about? What GoFundMe page? I have no idea what you are talking about?" Okay so obviously not a scam since she looks completely blindsided. Was this supposed to be a surprise and nobody told me? I spend the next few minutes explaining what I know. To say that Ms. Steele is mad would be an understatement. She flops back into the chair next to a sleeping Jaxson.

"Sorry, I didn't know this was a secret. From what I have heard around Grey House everyone has been talking about it, you even made the news." She looks like she is going to be sick. I don't think I am helping.

"My phone and everything was in that house. The only television I have watched has been Paw Patrol. I know Kate and Mia meant well but I can't believe they did this. I will deal with this when they get here. None of that explains what you are doing here? Don't get me wrong I appreciate the help with Doctor Jackass but you didn't stay this long at your parents thirty- fifth anniversary party."

How does she know that? Did Mia tell her? I dropped off a case of their favorite wine, an envelope with an expense paid cruise to Alaska and left in less than an hour. As I look at my watch I realize that I have been at the hospital for almost three hours and I have no desire to leave.

"How did you know that? Come to think of it how did you know who I was?" I question.

"You don't remember, do you?" Ms. Steele states as if I should know what she is talking about.

"A year and a half ago I was helping Mia plan your parents anniversary party. I was in her room at your parents' home. You stopped by to drop off some papers for GEH. Mia had left the room to get some bottles of water. On her way she ran into you. She had been trying to get me to date again as I haven't been on any dates since my fiancé died. I shot her down every time. Mia tried to tell you about her friend, namely me, that she thought you would have a lot in common with. I knew where the conversation was heading so I started to walk down the stairs to try and stop her. Before I had a chance you said "Mia I don't need another one of your dumbass friends following me around like a lost puppy. I really don't want to spend the little free time I have with another gold digging whore that will fuck anything just to get the social status!" You had some other colorful words to describe me although you had no idea who I was. So please tell me what are you doing in my son's room?"

I remotely recall the conversation with Mia. She has tried to set me up with so many of her ditsy friends. I had no idea she meant the beautiful Ms. Steele. I might be an ass but I wouldn't have made those comments if I knew she was in the house and was listening in on the conversation. No wonder she has looked at me like I am a complete tool. I really want to help her and her son. Maybe if I apologize; undoubtedly not my favorite thing to do but even I know that I was in the wrong. It happens once in a blue moon.

"Ms. Steele I apologize, I certainly didn't know you were in the house." She just rolled her eyes at me and her nostrils are flaring, maybe that wasn't the best way to apologize.

"Of course not, you should only be polite when the other person is on the premises." Ms. Steele huffs out.

"That's not what I meant. I should have given you a chance. I had no right to insult you or insinuate what I did. I really would like to be friends."

"Given me a chance? Seriously? I didn't even want to go out with you. I didn't ask for Mia to set us up and I didn't ask you to take your precious time from your company which by the way means more to you than your family to come down to the hospital. Why don't you just leave?" Ms. Steele has worked herself up. She is pacing back and forth as far as the IV tubing will allow her to go. I am about to challenge her on her comment about my family not being important when her monitor starts to beep. I rush over to Ms. Steele just in time to catch her before her head could hit the ground. Several nurses and my mother run in. I place her on the rolling bed as they rush her out of the room. What the hell just happened?

"Christian I need you to stay with Jaxson. I don't want him to be alone." Grace pleads; I nod as she runs out of the room. Luckily he is still asleep. What happens when he wakes up? What if one of the monitors starts to beep? I am scared shitless. I thought Mia was coming to the hospital, where is she?

"Unke Cwistian, I want momma!" Oh shit!


	3. Chapter 3 Unke Christian

"Unke Cwistian, I want momma!"

Oh shit! I was hoping Jaxson would stay asleep a little longer. I don't know what is going on with his mom but I know that telling him that she collapsed is the wrong thing. What do I do? What do I do? Jaxson's lip starts to quiver, I think he is going to start , Grey!

"Jaxson the doctors are just checking on your mommy, they will be back soon. Do you want to open some of the presents I brought for you?"

That seems to do it. He still looks a little upset but the promise of new presents has him distracted; at least for the moment. Where the fuck is Mia? I text Mia quickly.

C: Mia where are you? **

I hand Jaxson the first gift. I have no idea what is inside these gifts. I asked Taylor and the store manager to arrange a variety of toys. I have no idea what a three year old would like. At least Taylor has Sofie, I don't have the slightest idea. The toys I usually purchase come from a completely different type of toy store and are not for kids. (LOL! Nice one there!)

An ear-piercing squeal brings me out of my thoughts of floggers, whips and canes.

"Jaxson what is wrong?" I think he burst my ear drum.

"Tank you Unke Cwristian, I love Paw Patrol."

He is screaming over a bunch of toy dogs that have weird trucks. Okay whatever keeps him distracted. The squealing continues as he opens each gift. That can't be good for him. The first few squeals sent the nurses racing in concern. Now they just come in every twenty minutes to check on Jaxson and adjust his IVs. After each present Jaxson thanks me then explains why it is the best present ever. Toy dinosaurs, super heroes, cars, and host of other gifts keep him occupied for the next ninety minutes. He is quite adorable. What the hell Grey?! Since when do you think things are adorable?

Finally Grace walks in, giving Jaxson the biggest hug. I wonder if that is what she has missed since I would never let her hold me as a child. Even now I can barely stand a quick peck on the cheek. Would things have been different if I let her hold me like she is holding Jaxson? I don't know why I am thinking about my childhood so much today. I try not to dwell on it, if only my nightmares would stop. It would be fantastic if Flynn never brought it up either. I will have to talk to him, today has been so strange.

"Hi Gwammy Gwace, I missed you!"

Grace sits on the hospital bed and places Jaxson on her lap, she holds on to him so tight and hugs him again. It is the hug that never ends. I wonder if she has forgotten that I am even here.

"Hi sweet pea, how are you feeling?"

Jaxson looks as if he is going to start crying again.

"Where is my momma?" he whispers as the tears roll down his face. He has turned his body and is hiding his face into Grace's chest. "Is my momma gone?"

Jaxson's tears are falling down his face in full force. I feel my black heart hurting.

"Jaxson listen to me, momma is not gone. She loves you so much. My doctor friends are just helping her feel better."

Grace is trying to soothe him but I don't know if even she can calm him down. I hear her quietly start to sing while gently rubbing his back. I know thissong but I can't place it. I sit quietly mesmerized by Grace's singing. She used to play the piano and sing to me when I would wake up from a nightmare. Was this one of those songs?

Baby mine, don't you cry

Baby mine, dry your eyes

Rest your head close to my heart

Never to part

Baby of Mine

Little one when you play

Pay no heed to what they say

Let your eyes sparkle and shine

Never a tear

Baby of mine

If they knew all about you

They'd end up loving you too

All those same people who scold you

What they'd give just for the right to hold you

From your head down to your toes

You're not much, goodness knows

But you're so precious to me

Sweet as can be

Baby of Mine

Grace pulls out a few tissues and wipes Jaxson's tears. Another moment of hugging and he finally looks up and gives Grace a kiss on the cheek.

"Momma sings me that song." Jaxson whispers, he still seems like he is on the verge of crying again.

"I know, I remember when she would sing it to you as a baby. I used to sing it to my children. It is one of my favorites."

I am still clueless on what they are talking about. I know this is familiar but I don't know much else.

"Jaxson your momma is not feeling very well. She will be okay but we need to run some tests. Once that is done we will bring you to her room. It is bigger and that way you can be together. Does that sound alright?"

Grace is speaking so calmly to Jaxson. I can tell that she is trying to make sure he is not scared. She has always been my angel. This one time I will be alright with sharing. That feeling of helplessness when you are in a hospital alone is just horrible, I remember the feeling. Being scared and alone will not be in Jaxson's future, I'll make sure of it. (just thought it would be a nice touch to add that, but you don't need to) Again Jaxson just holds onto Grace. He is sitting so still it seems as though he might have fallen asleep, just then he pops up and has a big smile on his face like he just remembered something.

"Gwammy Gwace, Unke Cwistian got me presents do you want to see?"

Grace looks up. I think she is genuinely surprised. I just smile. I donate millions to different charities. A few hundred in toys won't break the bank.

"Christian that is very sweet of you, I am so proud of you. Your selflessness today makes me so happy. Jaxson I would love to see your new toys."

Grace reaches over and squeezes my hand. Her smile is truly amazing. I don't think she was this proud of me when I made my first million or even billion. I know money is not what is important to my mother but how can sitting with a little boy be so significant? I had Taylor pick the toys, I have sat in a chair for a few hours and I helped deal with Dr. Asshole. I didn't do anything really.

"Mom where is Mia? She was supposed to be here hours ago?" I question.

"Sorry Christian, I thought someone would have told you. After the gym Mia and Katherine went to the new sushi restaurant down the block from the gym. Apparently the reviews were exaggerated. Mia and Katherine have not been able to leave the restroom. I sent my physician assistant to give them some medication to help with the nausea but it needs to work out of their system. They wanted to come but I don't want to take the chance, with Jaxson and Ana's immune systems already compromised."

I don't know how my mom does it - she is having a conversation with me while playing with Jaxson and all the toys. She even knows how to transform the Optimus Prime Transformer that took Jaxson and me twenty minutes to figure out. She is remarkable. Finally I process what she just said.

"Compromised, what are you talking about? Are they okay?" What is going on? Now I am worried.

"Christian let me give Jaxson his meds, change his bandages and have Respiratory come in and give himbreathing treatment. His dinner should be at the nurse's station. Please let them know that I would like for it to be sent in. Once I get him to S-l-e-e-p we can talk about it. Are you okay staying or do you need to leave?" How can mom be so calm?

"I am not going anywhere mom. Have you eaten? I can have Taylor bring some food." It is the least I can do for mom. I doubt she will be leaving anytime soon.

"That sounds perfect darling; it will probably take another hour or two."

I sit in the corner of the room as they do some treatments, change the burn bandages and give some medications. I should be working but I only send a few emails. Jaxson is so brave. When he starts to cry I find myself holding his hand. I can't leave him, I just feel connected to him. Grace got called out of the room. Jaxson has started to cry and it isn't the "I miss my mom" cry. He is in pain. I press the nurse call button and pick up Jaxson and place him on my lap. I just embrace him and try to soothe him like Grace did but it isn't working. I am no good at this, I don't do compassionate, I am not hugs and love person. As I look down at Jaxson I see his face scrunched up, his face is bright red from the crying and his body is rolled up in a ball on my lap. Nurse Brenda walks in.

"Jaxson I am going to give you some medicine to help your pain. Can you point to what level your pain is at for me?" Nurse Brenda is speaking so calmly. I know I could never be as caring as the nurses.

She shows him a chart with the numbers zero through ten and under every other number is a series of happy and sad faces to one that looks like someone cut off his leg. He chooses a six although his screams of pain would say otherwise. She puts the medicine into the IV and within a few minutes Jaxson's cries have become quiet hiccups and he falls asleep.

"Do you want me to move him to the bed for you Christian?" Nurse Brenda questions.

She has been working with mom for fifteen years. She has known me since I was a kid. I know she is trying to help but I don't want to move Jaxson just yet.

"He should sleep for at least a few hours. Changing the bandages and the treatments wore him out." Nurse Brenda is giving me an out. It I can't put him down.

"Thank you but I will hold him for a little while. I want to make sure he is all the way asleep." Nurse Brenda smiles as she leaves the room. I don't think I am fooling anyone. I wonder what is happening to his mother? I would hate for him to lose her at such a young age.

Thank you to Jean and Hofit for helping me with my stories. You guys are the best.

Please review and let me know what you think. I am still new at this. 3


	4. Chapter 4

The calm before the storm

"Christian darling, wake up."

What is going on? I can feel fingers running through my hair. I open my eyes and see my mother with tears in her eyes. What happened? I must of fallen asleep. Is Ana alright? What about Jaxson? I think I am about to have a panic attack.

"Mom, what is going on?"

"Christian calm down. Everything is fine. I just moved Jackson into his bed. He was asleep on your lap for the past two hours but he needed a breathing treatment. You both slept through it. Jason brought food and I didn't want you to miss a meal. I was torn about waking you, you looked so peaceful."

"Mom, why does it look like you are about to cry?" I can see the tears in her eyes. She doesn't look sad, I can't really describe the emotion I see on her face.

"Christian how have your nightmares been?"

I know she means well when she asks but I hate the fact I can't tell her they are gone. Another reason I am a disappointment.

"Mom, they are the same. Some days better than others. Why do you ask? Did I have one? I didn't hurt Jaxson did I?" Now I am worried.

"No darling, you misunderstand. You were sleeping so soundly. You appeared to being having a pleasant dream and..." Mom is crying now. "Here look at these pictures."

Grace hands me her phone. On the screen are several pictures of Jaxson asleep on my lap. He is cuddled in and it looks as if someone put a blanket over us. Grace presses a button and changes it to a video. Somehow while Jaxson and I were asleep he moved so his tiny hand is grasping on to my shirt just over my chest. I don't wake from his touch. I don't move his hand. The opposite actually happens. I move my hand to cover his. I am smiling in my sleep. How is this possible. The only person that has ever been that close to my no go areas are Mia and Elena. I would scream in pain each time Elena touched me. Mia was just a baby. What is going on? I watch the video a few times and then look through the pictures again. I forward them to myself. Flynn will have a field day with this. I just don't understand.

"Mom, how is this possible?" I look up and mom is crying but she is smiling too.

"Darling, I don't know how it is possible but you seem to have bonded with Jaxson quite quickly. He seems to have taken a liking to you to. I know you are busy but if you don't mind visiting or staying with him I would appreciate it. The childs life team will be helping him, and Mia and Kate should be feeling better in a day or two but I don't want him to be alone." A look of sadness and despair passes over her face but quickly she is back into doctor mode.

"Mom where is Ana? What happened?" I glance at my watch. She has been gone for most of the day.

"As Ana's health proxy I will tell you. Normally I can't give patients information out. With her father deployed Ana asked me years ago to help out if it was ever needed." She pauses and I can tell she is upset. "Ana has an infection. We have been working to bring her fever down, we have given her antibiotics but she had an allergic reaction to the medication which has just complicated an already difficult case. We were able to stabilize her and she just went into surgery. Her lone concern was Jaxson. I promised that I would make sure that he was taken care of. She won't be out of surgery for a few more hours." Mom is explaining what happened and trying to stay calm but I can see she is upset.

I feel horrible for thinking that she could be faking or doing this just for money. She is nothing like the crack whore. I feel like I should help out more.

"Mom, I don't mean this in a bad way but can I fly in a specialist. I want to help. Also, I have arranged to pay all of the hospital bills for both Jaxson and Anastasia." I don't know why but telling my mom makes me almost blush. Why does it feel like this?

"Christian darling that is incredibly thoughtful. I'm sure that will take a lot of stress off of Anastasia. Did you tell her that when you were speaking with her?" Grace exclaimed excitedly.

"Mom, I am happy you are excited but please don't tell Anastasia. If we need to, just say it was an anonymous donor that heard her story. She isn't my biggest fan. I don't want to stress her out. Hopefully with time I can change her opinion of me." Mom please don't ask why!

"Darling it's not your fault, you had no idea that Mia was not trying to set you up with one of her slutty friends like Lilly." Mom just said slut. I don't think I have ever heard her say anything like that. She didn't even like us to say stupid or shut up when we were growing up.

"Mom you just said slut. I'm shocked. How do you know what happened? I just learned that Ana was the person Mia was trying to set me up with."

"Christian, first don't be so shocked. Believe it or not I have a large vocabulary, I know plenty of inappropriate words that I choose not to use. Don't forget I also speak Spanish, French and Italian. Just because I choose not to say the words does not mean that I am oblivious to the fact than many of Mia's friends and your brother are quite promiscuous. No matter what you call it, promiscuity, slut, manwhore, floozy, harlot, hooker, hussy, prostitute, tart, tramp, vamp, whore, bimbo, Jezebel, call girl, concubine, courtesan, lady of the evening, strumpet, street walker, gigalo, he-slut, walking std, playa and man-ho. A spade is a spade no matter what you call it. Do I need to continue?" I am gaping at my mother. My angelic, prim and proper mother just floored me.

"Mom, how do you even know all of those?"

"Seriously Christian I was young at one time too. Plus I am a pediatrician. I work with teenagers every day. You would be surprised what I know. For your second question I arrived at the house just after you had that conversation with Mia. Ana was quite upset. She hadn't met you and you were assuming some hurtful things about her. She was on the back patio crying. After some prodding she finally told me what she overheard. I explained that unfortunately some of Mia's friends have had less than honorable intentions where you are concerned. Not only that, I informed her the media is constantly commenting on your love life, how you are the most eligible bachelor, the possibility of you being gay and how they never see you out. I didn't tell her that I know you are not gay and that you have your women. We should eat the food is getting cold." Grace walks over to the little table at the end of the room and starts unpacking the food. I am again astounded. I walk over and sit across from Grace.

"Mom what do you mean you know I am not gay and I have my women?" What does she know?

"Really Christian? You are an adult, do you think I believe for an instant that you are a 28 year old virgin?" Shit there is that damn mom face. "I have dealt with many patients that were scared of coming out to their parents. I know the signs. I have also seen you checking out women. You try not to be obvious but I have noticed. From what I can tell you are attracted to petite brunettes, am I correct?"

What the hell. I thought we were going to talk about Anastasia and Jaxson. How did we get into my sex life. I need to change the subject now. I am pushing the Caesar salad and chicken parmesan around on my plate. I think I have lost my appetite but I abhor wasted food.

"So what can I do to help Anastasia and Jaxson?" I ask without looking up from my meal.

"Christian look at me, I know you had an awful start to life. I think that you and Anastasia would be an adorable couple and could help each other heal. Once you get to know each other you will see that you actually have a lot in common. For that to happen you need to open yourself up to the possibilities. I can see that you and Jaxson have bonded very quickly. He is a lovable child but he usually takes a while to connect with new people. I saw how attached he already is to you. If you can spare some time in your busy schedule I would appreciate it. I know you changed the subject to get the questioning off your love life. If thats what you want I will respect that but I will tell you I know that you have had your share of relationships. You are nowhere as bad as your brother since you at least stay with the same woman for months at a time but they don't seem to make you happy so maybe it is time to change your modus operandi."

That got my attention, my head shoots up and I stare at my mother. I don't know what to say. What does she know and how much? I know she doesn't know about me and Elena otherwise there would be another body in the morgue. Mom seems to be aware of much more of my life than I ever knew. I am about to ask what else she knows and how when her phone rings.

"Hello this is Doctor Trevelyan... Alright I will be in the emergency room in a few minutes. Make sure you page surgery also. thank you. " Grace stands as she finishes the call.

"Darling I am needed in the ER. We can finish this conversation later. When you need to leave please let a nurse know." She kisses my cheek and before I can say anything else she is out the door.

How does Grace knows anything about my sex life? I have never wanted to have that conversation but now I am worried. I text Barney and Welch to see if they can find any connections between my ex-subs and my mother.

I don't think she has seen the playroom but just in case I ask Taylor to change the locks.

I am tempted to have everything moved to storage. It has been six months since I had a sub. I just can't do it, it is almost like it is my security blanket.

I used to have a blanket that I took everywhere, it was the one thing I had from before I became a Grey. It had burn holes and it was tattered but it was mine. I wonder what happened to it? Why am I having so many thoughts about my childhood. Usually the only time I think about it is after a horrible nightmare. Usually Flynn has to pry the memories out of me. Could it be because of Jaxson? I need this to stop. I decide to text Flynn.

Christian: Flynn I need to see you. Can you come to the hospital?

Flynn: Are you alright? What are you at the hospital for?

Christian: I am fine. Visiting a family friends son.

That doesn't sound right. I can't call Anastasia a friend, at the moment she hates me. I can't really say I am connected to this little boy I met a few hours ago, can I?

Flynn: I can be at the hospital in an hour. What room are you in? Do you want to arrange for a private room?

I can't leave Jaxson alone... we will have to do the session in here if my mom doesn't return. I can't abandon him.

Flynn is going to have a field day.


	5. Chapter 5

This day has been full of revelations. I can't stop thinking about my Pre-Grey childhood and for once it isn't being dragged out of me by a shrink or because of a nightmare. What does it all mean?

I try to answer a few emails but all I can do is focus on the different monitors attached to his little body. The alarms when his pulse aux goes down is terrifying. I know he is getting the care that he needs but this feeling inside me just won't go away. I don't know how to name it.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Sawyer announces that Flynn has arrived.

"Christian, what is going on? What has happened to Jaxson and where is Anastasia?" Does everyone know them but me?

"Flynn, thanks for coming down here. I know it is late. How do you know Jaxson and Ana?"

"I have met them a few times at your parents home. Rhian and Ana hit it off. William is two months younger than Jaxson so we have had play dates with Jaxson, William and the twins. I know Anastasia would never leave his side so what happened? How are you involved, last I heard you weren't friends."

" I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. It seems as though everyone in my life knows them but me. Ana is in surgery, she has some complications from the burns. Her condition is very serious but mom is overseeing it. I am sorry I don't know much more, mom got called to the ER. I would of called to let you know if I knew you were close. Apparently it has been all over the news. How can this be going on all around me and I am oblivious?"

"Christian, I can see you are upset. Do you want to go into another room so we can discuss this?" Flynn sounds like he is speaking to a wounded animal.

" No! We can stay here. I can't leave Jaxson. I promised my mom and I feel this connection to him. I know it sounds crazy but somehow Jaxson and I just need each other. He was in pain earlier and I held him and comforted him. I fell asleep, mom took these pictures. Look Jaxson is sleeping against my chest, his a tiny mop of mahogany ringlets are pressed against me and I am smiling in my sleep. His face is pressed against my chest and his hand is over my heart in this one and I appear to be holding it in place. How is this even possible?" I hand the phone to Flynn and like me he scrolls through the pictures and video several times.

"John,I don't understand, only Mia has ever been able to touch my chest without it eliciting pain."

" I can't give you a definite answer but I have seen parents have this type of connection where just the smell of the parents clothes or their touch can be calming. It can soothe the person but you and Jaxson just met, I wouldn't call it traumatic bonding because you met after the fact. I would need to see how you interact while he is awake but it is truly remarkable. What part worried you the most?"

"I don't know why but I feel connected to him. I know our backgrounds are completely different and he has a mother that is caring and attentive but I just feel like I am supposed to be here. The thought of needing someone is terrifying. I have only ever needed my family and even then I have arranged my life to keep them at a distance. I love them but limiting my interactions is better for everyone."

"There is nothing wrong with needing other people. Humans are social creatures. Do you think your family believes that it is better to limit your time together?"

" I am only a disappointment, I don't know why they even bother."

"Christian we will need to talk about this when little ears are not in the room. I will arrange for an office down the hall once your mom or someone else can sit with Jaxson. I recommend that instead of trying to deny the connection, why don't you go with it. These pictures prove that subconsciously you already trust Jaxson. Similar to when Mia was first adopted he needs love and he is innocent. If you can spare the time not only would it be extremely comforting to Jaxson but also beneficial to you."

" John, I am a monster. I don't want to bring darkness into his life."

I can tell John is exasperated with me, hell I am exasperated with myself.

"Anastasia will most likely have an extended hospital stay. How would you feel if Jaxson was in this room for days with only the nurses and doctors to keep him company?"

" Rage, unadulterated rage. That can't happen, he is so small and helpless. Hospitals are scary when you are a child; they need someone by their side to advocate for them, to keep them company, to love them and protect them. I can't leave Jaxson by himself."

"Everything you just said shows that you are not a monster. Let me be clear, Jaxson has an extended chosen family. We might not be related but plenty of people will be coming and going to check on his wellbeing but that is not the same as having someone with you the entire time. In less than a day you have bonded with this little boy. I have told you before that you are not a monster and you do have a heart. A monster would not do everything you are doing. Embrace it, see where it takes you. This might be the push you have needed."

After an hour long session with Flynn I feel oddly wired and calm at the same time. Normally after a session I need to exert some energy, running, swimming, sparing with Claude, basically anything that will get my mind out of the headspace. Tonight I feel strangely calm. I am not stupid enough to believe that this tiny three year old is a magic cure but I would be an idiot if I didn't at least see where this path could lead.

What is the worse that could happen? I have tried every imaginable type of therapy from the time I was four. I would quit but new techniques are being mastered every year. The thought of being able to sleep without the fear of a nightmare or the ability to pass someone smoking a cigarette without a flashback to the pimp and his menthol scented torture devices. The feeling is so real, I am that scared little boy with no one that cares. The dingy smell of the apartment, the sound of his evil cackle like a cartoon villain, the sounds of angry neighbors fighting and the all too familiar smell weed. We had no electricity, the water although it worked it was the color of mud and had a god awful smell. My first memories are mainly traumatic. Other than making the paper Christmas tree and baking a chocolate cake I can't recall any happy times.

I can already tell that Jaxson's life is filled with love and happiness. Am I jealous, do I want to protect him, am I having an aneurysm and losing my marbles. I don't know the answer but I know that leaving this hospital is not an option.


	6. Chapter 6

After an hour long session with Flynn I feel oddly wired and calm at the same time. Normally after a session I need to exert some energy, running, swimming, sparing with Claude, basically anything that will get my mind out of the headspace. Tonight I feel strangely calm. I am not stupid enough to believe that this tiny three year old is a magic cure but I would be an idiot if I didn't at least see where this path could lead.

What is the worst that could happen? I have tried every imaginable type of therapy from the time I was four. I would quit but new techniques are being mastered every year. The thought of being able to sleep without the fear of a nightmare or the ability to pass someone smoking a cigarette without a flashback to the pimp and his menthol scented torture devices. The feeling is so real, I am that scared little boy with no one that cares. The dingy smell of the apartment, the sound of his evil cackle like a cartoon villain, the sounds of angry neighbors fighting and the all too familiar smell of weed. We had no electricity, the water although it worked it was the color of mud and had a god awful smell. My first memories are mainly traumatic. Other than making the paper Christmas tree and baking a chocolate cake I can't recall any happy times.

I have always wondered why she didn't just give me away? It wasn't like she needed me to get child support from the sperm donor. Wouldn't it have been easier in herself and the pimp if I was out of the picture? I can't really wish for things to have been different because every choices has formed me into the person I am. I have on occasion dreamed of what it would have been like if I had been given up as a baby like Mia was and still ended up as a Grey. Wishful thinking I guess.

Why wasn't the crack whore able to take care of me but Ana has been able to raise Jaxson?

I can already tell that Jaxson's life is filled with love and happiness. Am I jealous, do I want to protect him, am I having an aneurysm and losing my marbles? I don't know the answer but I do know that leaving this hospital is not an option.

Flynn seems to be enjoying my suffering. That's probably the first time I have actively participated in the session. He has agreed to come in each day to the hospital or to have a phone session.

I don't know what is what it is about Jackson but that little boy has worked his way into my life and in such a very short period of time.

I don't know if it's just because he is a little kid. I've been around other children and never felt this protective over one. Ros and Gwen's daughter is sweet enough. I have never spent any time alone with her she is a darling but I have no desire to spend hours watching cartoons. If she was hurt or sick I would check on her and make sure Ros had ample time off as well anything she needed. My contribution would be more financial. I have already done that as far Ana and Jaxson are concerned. I have arranged to pay for the medical bills but yet I am still here. I could say it is because my mother requested that I stay but even I know that is bullshit. If that was the case I wouldn't have left Thanksgiving dinner before dessert.

I care for this child and his mother. I don't know how she will feel once she wakes up. I will try to talk to Anastasia. Hopefully she will give me a second chance. I would have never said what I said if I knew she was in the house. She is a beautiful woman. Even in bandages and a hospital gown she was breathtaking.

"Unke Cwistian" Jaxson's raspy voice halts my musing. "I don't feel good."

I'm not a doctor but this is the first time he has complained about his health since I have been here. Even I know this isn't a good sign. I quickly press the nurse call button and tell the nurse I need her in the room right now whilst trying not to scare Jaxson.

The nurses and the Dr. Palmer, the pediatric Pulmonologist, enter the room. They look worried but they keep a happy face as to not alarm Jaxson.

Childlife once again enters the room and explains all the tests and tries to comfort Jaxson. All though it is terrifying for him Jaxson barely cries. The only time he says anything it is asking for his momma. That is heartbreaking even to an ass like me. I push back the feelings of my childhood and wanting my mom. This isn't about me. I reach for Jaxson's hand and hold it from the top of the bed.

It feels like that kid story from Dr. Seuss.

And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through.

Could this little boy be healing my heart?

A few X-rays, another breathing treatment, steroid injections to open his lungs, a blood gas which looked utterly painful and a few other things and Jaxson's blood oxygen levels have came up a tiny bit. His voice is very raspy and he has a terrible cough. He was crying for his mommy and that was heartbreaking. I was asked to leave the room but Jaxson was holding onto my hand so tightly I couldn't even move a few feet away. Not that I would have left him.

I quickly text my mom. I know she was busy in the ER but she will want to know what is going on.

He is so tiny. I know kids have surgeries every day and from what I have been told this is considered minor but I feel helpless. It is not a feeling that I am used to. At one point of my life it was all I knew. I have organized my world so that it never happens and yet here I am again but I don't regret it either.

The medicine seems to be helping Jaxson enough that he is asleep but he is still holding onto my hand with dear life so that I don't move. His head is on my lap and I gently run my hands through his hair. It has always been soothing to me so I hope I am bringing him a little bit of comfort.

"Christian."

"Sorry mom I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?" I glance down and see that Jaxson is still laying against me with his head on my thigh, gripping my hand. I don't even remember falling asleep.

"It has only been 45 minutes since you texted me. I came in and saw you were both out so I was checking in with his Pulmonologist."

I don't think I have ever fallen asleep so easily, the little bit of sleep was more restful than a night full of nightmares.

"Christian darling, thank you for the text message. The charge nurse should have paged me the moment Jaxson was in distress, I will handle that. Jaxson's surgery will be in two hours. They are preparing everything right now."

"Is he stable enough for the surgery? He shouldn't be alone. Hospitals are scary when you are a little kid."

"Christian I will stay with him. He will not be left alone. I promise.

I know this isn't about me but mom squeezes my hand. She is thinking about my time before becoming a Grey too. I was held down so that the doctors and nurses could get to my burns and bruises. Nobody cared that it was burning me and as much as I screamed nothing helped. I lost my voice. I had lost my mom. I had nothing left. Mom came in and stopped everyone but it was too late.

"It is okay let it out." I didn't even realize that I started to cry. Mom is stroking my hair just like she did when I was little and I would have a nightmare.

I'm not sure how long I have been crying but I feel a little lighter. I don't think I have cried like that since I was five years old. "Sorry mom." I feel a little embarrassed but if I was going to have a moment like that at least it was my mother.

"Nonsense, you feel connected to Jaxson and his situation is bringing up memories of when you were a little boy and in the hospital. Sometimes a good cry is all you need. I will never judge you, I hope you know this? Just promise me that you will talk to John about it when he comes over tomorrow."

That look again tells me she will know if I go against her orders. I might be worth billions but none of that makes an ounce of difference when it comes to my mother. "Yes mom." I pull her into half a hug. Jaxson is still laying asleep over me. Unfortunately the medication he needed has made it so he is out cold. "Can I do anything while Jaxson is in surgery? I would like to help."

"It would be wonderful if you could go downstairs and give blood. You are O negative so you are an universal donor. Also, Anastasia will not be awake for sometime but studies have shown that it is helpful for patients to have a loved one nearby and to be spoken to. I know you and Anastasia just met but if you talk about Jaxson that could help. As soon as he is out of surgery I will let you know."

"I can do that. Maybe we could arrange for a blood drive at GEH. Do you need anything else?"

"Darling that would be fantastic. Many people only give blood when a natural disaster hits or after something major. Blood is always needed. Call my assistant and tell her that you want to set up a blood drive. She can assist Andrea in setting it up. It usually takes a few weeks but if you are willing to let them mention it on the hospital's website it might bring more people in. I know you are not a fan of the media but they could use the stock photo from GEH."

Mom is starting to get excited but obviously thinks I will get upset. This I can do.

"Mom, it is alright. I want to help and if this gets more people to get off their ass-" Shit that look.

"I mean off their behinds I will allow it to be filmed. Mia was telling me that Facebook live is the cool way to announce things. I will call Barney and Welch to come down here. Once Jaxson is in surgery I will go down and donate the blood. Can we possibly close the lab for the video. I will ask Taylor and the guys if they want to donate blood too."

"You are the sweetest, thank you so much darling. I will call in some extra staff. I know we will have a massive turnout. You will be saving so many lives." Another hug and I can hear the small whimpers. This time I know it is happy tears.

Taylor knocks on the door and enters with a basket. We never did eat the food he brought earlier. Inside it is filled with enough sandwiches and snacks for twenty people. The three of us eat and discuss what will be happening today. We conference in the needed people. Needless to say the hospital executives are ecstatic for the extra PR.

The two hours fly by and Jaxson wakes up moments before he is to be moved to the OR.

"Unke Cwistian , I'm scared." The tiny tears are running down Jaxson's little face. His deep blue eyes are able to pierce through me. I feel rudderless, what do I say?

I look at Jason, I don't know why, he can't do anything. Next to Jason is my angel. Mom mouths "speak from your heart.". She should know that I don't have one but I will try. I try to remember what I was scared of when I was in the hospital. For once I am able to focus on the feelings not just the pain.

"Can you tell me why you are scared ?" I gently lift Jaxson so he is sitting on my lap.

" I miss my momma. She holds my hand when I have to get shots. She left me. What if that bad man got her. " His voice cracks and his pain is heartbreaking.

"Can I tell you a secret?" He nods, I pretend to be whispering but everyone in the room can hear.

"Everyone gets scared. I was about your age when I was in the hospital for some burns. I was really scared and I even cried."

"Wrrealy ?"

"Yes, really. My mom, your Grammie Grace saved me. She stayed with me and made sure nothing could hurt me."

"I wuv Gwammy Gwace "

"She loves you too. She will staying with you the entire time. See that big guy next to her?"

"Uh huh"

"That is my friend Taylor. He was in the army. He helps protect me from bad guys."

"The Army like Captain America, my grandpa is a general."

"Yes, just like Captain America. You know how Captain America is part of a team called the Avengers right." An excited little nod of acknowledgement but his tears have turned into hiccups.

"Taylor is part of a team." Jason opens the door and motions for a few of the guys to come in.

"This is Ryan."

"He's big as The Hulk."

"Yes he is but don't worry he doesn't turn green. He has been outside your room. He will follow you and Grammy Grace to make sure nobody hurts either of you."

"Is that Thor?"

Jaxson is pointing at Reynolds who has long blond hair that is tied back into a ponytail. All of my men are muscular but Reynolds is the tallest.

"I think you are right. Reynolds do you mind being Thor?"

"Actually little buddy Thor is my favorite Avenger. Want to see something cool?" Jaxson nods his heads excitedly. Reynolds slides his suit jacket off and rolls up the sleeves of his white shirt. "This is Mjolinr, Thor's hammer."

"Cool!" Jaxson shouts.

Reynolds has worked for me for three years and I never knew he had a hammer tattooed on his forearm. It isn't a small tattoo either. It has the lightning bolts and everything. We all laugh and smile at Jaxson's excitement.

"What about momma? What if the bad man gets her?"

Taylor steps forward as he pulls up Facetime and Sawyer appears on the IPad. "Sawyer can you tell my little friend Jaxson where you are?"

Sawyer appears to question what is going on because Taylor obviously knows where Sawyer is stationed. Once the tablet is facing Jaxson he figures it out. My guys will all be getting a raise.

"Hey Jaxson. I am outside your moms room. The doctors gave her some medecine so she can feel better. I will make sure she is safe."

"You Avenger too?"

"Sure, can I be Iron man?"

"No, Unke Cwistian is Iron Man, Iron Man leads Avengers. You be Spidey."

"Okay, I will be Spider Man. I will protect your mom."

"Can I see momma?"

"Jaxson she is sleeping right now but Uncle Christian will set up a way for you to see your mom once you are out of surgery." Thanks mom

"Otay, I wuv you Unke Cwistian." Jaxson turns toward me and gives me a hug. His little hands are on my chest and his brown little curls and his face are pressed against my shoulder. I kiss the top of his head and rub his tiny little back. I don't feel pain. It feels like when Mia was a baby. Her touch was never painful. I have always felt the love.

"I love you too Jaxson. We won't let anything happen to you or your mom."

"Pinky promise?" He holds out his little hand with his tiny pinky in the air. I remember as kids Elliot and I would do this and once Mia was old enough everything had to be pinky promised to guarantee your word. I link my pinky with his and we shake. Jaxson once again gives me a big hug and I can feel the frost melting off my heart.

As I look up mom is in tears and my men are trying to look impassive but failing. This little boy has made his way into everyone's hearts.

"Tank you. Can we all dress up as the Avengers later?" Jaxson asks excitedly. Little kids are hilarious. Their moods flit from one thing to another.

The guys all look to me. I guess I could order them to dress up but I doubt that will be needed. "How about once you are done with surgery I will order some costumes and whomever wants can dress up. I will get you one of each." I know I would be getting the stink eye from Ms. Steele if she was here but for the moment I don't care.

"Otay Gwammy Gwace lets go."

We all say goodbye to Jaxson as he my mother and Reynolds go down the corridor towards the pediatric operating rooms. I know my mom has it under control but my newfound heart can't help but worry about the possible complications.

Quickly the men are filled in and not surprisingly all of the men want to donate blood. Mrs. Curtis, Welch and Barney have everything set up in the lab when we arrive. I notice this lab looks like it is original to the hospital, it has to be at least fifty years old. I make a note that this will need to be one of the first things to be updated.

By the time the live feed starts we have over thirty thousand people watching. I am hooked up and while the blood is slowly filling the bag I share some facts from a poster in the lab. How 4.5 million Americans would die each year without life saving blood transfusions. Every three seconds someone needs blood. Just one pint of donated blood can help save as many as three people's lives.

As I am reading the facts I feel bad that I haven't don't this before. It is painless and doesn't take any effort. While on air I make a decision.

" I am not one for New Years resolutions, instead I am going to make a promise that I will donate blood every few months. I give millions to charities but I am going to challenge myself and others to take time out of your day and donate blood. Think of the lives you will save. I will even work with the hospital and the Red Cross to see what else GEH can do. Maybe we can do a raffle? Mrs. Curtis will give you details on how you can be a blood donor." I know my deceleration has just made more work for my team and probably the hospital but at the moment I am more concerned with helping the patients.

Once the live feed is disconnected Jason and I go to Anastasia's room. It feels so strange to call her Ms. Steele but before she collapsed she was less than happy with me.

"Jason, what do I say?" I don't know why am so worried. She isn't even awake. If my competitors knew that this is all it takes to make me nervous I would be out of business.

"Christian you have been comforting her son the entire time she has been unconscious. You made a mistake a few years ago. That person doesn't exist. The person you were when you entered the hospital is different from the man in front of me. If the situation was different and you were taking care of Sofie while I was unable to I would be forever grateful. Tell her what Jaxson has been going through. Don't sugarcoat it. She is his mother. She would want to know everything. Chances are she won't remember any of it but it will help her."

I don't think Jason has ever called me Christian but this time in the hospital has affected us all.

I sit next to Anastasia and just talk. At first it was about the weather, how Jaxson has been and what his prognosis is. I have no idea for how long I have been talking but at some point I open up about everything. I start with my first memories and the the less than stellar parentage that I had. How the crack whores pimp abused me.

How I got adopted and how I became a Grey. I have no idea what she knows about my past but since she is friends with Mia and my parents I guess that she knows some of my history.

I explain how I went from enjoying time with my family to feeling like a I didn't belong. That I wasn't good enough for my perfect family and that fighting, drinking and being a jerk was my MO. How school after school expelled me and that I was one step away from being sent to military school.

How my last chance was helping my mothers best friend with some help around the house and how that morphed into me becoming sex slave.

I probably shouldn't be telling her but she is unconscious and speaking with her is so easy. Usually John has to drag the information out of me and my answers are one word. With Anastasia I strangely feel loquacious. I don't know what it is about Jaxson and his mother.

What started as sex and a way for a horny, self destructive teen to get a release morphed into abuse. I believed Elena was helping me. She got me to stop drinking and focus on my grades and school work. She introduced me to what she called a BDSM relationship but it was anything but. She would ignore my safe words and purposely do things that were my hard limits. While bound and gagged I had no control.

Many times I was loaned out and the pain of being violated by strange woman and men has left more scars physically and emotionally. I thought Elena was evil but one woman was truly a sadist. After one particularly painful incident I refused to return to Elena's. I had to tell my parents that I had been hit by a car while walking home. I couldn't cover those bruises and cuts. Luckily for me they believed it since I was no longer brawling. By than my grades had improved enough that I got accepted into to several Ivy League universities.

While at Harvard I learned what a real bdsm relationship was like from a friend who had been practicing for several years. She was a senior and she introduced to the local scene. How to be a real Dom and how Elena was really just a monster.

Once I started GEH Elena tried to blackmail me but my guys were able to get all the incriminating photos. They also discovered that I was not her only victim. I don't know how I could've been so naive to believe I had been special to her. With the help of my team we managed to get the FBI involved without my name or company being dragged through the mud. I never had the courage to tell Grace and Carrick how I was involved with taking her down or the fucked up relationship we had. I feel like a horrible son.

Once I explain my sorted past with Elena I try to explain that I have been a dominant. How it is misunderstood but that I also haven't really been active in the community for the past year.

I know I have said far too much but I can't seem to stop. I don't know if it it because she is unconscious or that she probably won't remember any of this.

I have never been this open with anyone. Even Taylor hasn't heard this all before. He has tried to keep his face impassive but his hands are clenched, eyes are glaring and his lips are narrowed. He has failed miserably but I know it is because he cares. I have always refused to tell him the details of what happened.

The alarms start beeping and several nurses rush in. Before I can question what is going on fathomless blue eyes stare up at me. She reaches for my hand and holds tightly and whispers one word.

"Jaxson!"


	7. Chapter 7

"Jaxson?"

Before I can answer the nurse and doctors come charging into the room. Taylor is pushed out and I am asked to leave but Ana is still gripping my hand. She is squeezing so hard that her finger nails are digging into my skin. I crouch down and whisper.

"Mom is with him. I will go check on him and I will be back." She releases her grip slightly and a nurse pulls her hand away from mine.

"Hello darling I am Margret. How are you feeling Ms. Steele? Can I get you anything?" A nice older woman asks with concern in her voice.

A young man enters and introduces himself as a doctor. He looks like Doogie Howser. How can he be old enough to be a licensed physician.

"Mr. Grey the little boy you asked about is out of surgery." A woman that has eye fucked myself and Taylor each time she checked Anastasia's vitals comments.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

"What? My baby?" Anastasia screams in agony and it has nothing to do with her injuries.

I had planned on making sure Anastasia was stable before dumping this information on her. I know she is Jaxson's mother and has every right to know but having her freak out will not help Jaxson in the slightest.

"My baby, what happened to him?" Anastasia is pleading to know what happened. The alarms are going off like crazy.

One nurse calls out " Her heart rate has skyrocketed."

Another, " She is pulling out her IV and tearing her sutures."

"Ms. Steele, you need to calm down. You are acting ridiculous. Your friend can come back later." That was the bitch that let it slip that Jaxson was in surgery. Fuck this.

"Jason!" I bellow and he is back in the room immediately.

"Sir." His response is clipped. He doesn't even try to hide his emotions, he is as mad as I am and he doesn't even know what happened. .

"Call Mrs. Curtis and get her down here. Get the doctor in charge of this unit and get that nurse out of here and barred from this room."

"You have no authority to do that." The other nurse yells as she tries to get into my face.

Try it buddy I dare you. Before he can round the bed Jason has him pressed against the glass wall and out of the room.

As I turn back towards Anastasia I hear the doctor yell.

" Give her 2 of Valium IM. "

The stupid nurse that mentioned Jaxson stabs a syringe into Anastasia's thigh moments before Jason escorts her out of the room. She and the other nurse are yelling from outside the room.

"What the hell did you just give her."

"She is violent and is a danger to herself and the staff. "

"She would have been fine if your incompetent staff didn't mention that her son is in surgery. You didn't even try to talk to her to see what the problem was. Taylor get this guy out too." I might not be a doctor but I know there are better ways to calm a patient than to drug them. I have been there and I'm not letting it happen again. Max another one of my men comes in and escorts the idiot out.

I turn back to Anastasia and squat down so I am at her eye level. I have no idea how long it will take for the drugs to take over or how she will react.

"Anastasia, I need you to calm down." She has tears running down her face and her sobs are heartbreaking, just like her sons tears for her earlier.

"Ana, please calm down so I can update you on his condition." That quickly gets her attention although the tears have not stopped.

"What happened to my baby?" She seems to have no concern for herself. While commendable she needs to realize that she is making things harder on herself as well as Jaxson.

"Please calm down. Your little boy wants to see you so you need to let your body heal." A minuscule nod from Anastasia but I will take it.

"How long until the Valium takes effect?"

Nurse Margret is the only hospital staff still in the room. " It should take effect in the next ten to fifteen minutes. She had a small dose so it should only make her a tad sleepy but each patient responds to medication differently."

Well hell, I need to give her the cliffs notes version of what is going on with Jaxson.

She grips onto my hand once again and pulls me closer. I sit on the side of the bed next to her.

"I will tell you all I can before the medicine takes effect but I need you to promise that you will stay calm. Think about Jaxson and getting back to him." Again a microscopic nod but this time the mom look that says tell me already is added.

"Jaxson is in surgery with Dr. Palmer the pediatric Pulmonologist. He was wheezing and had a few complications. They were going to run some tests, get lung biopsies and try to treat the inflammation and damage from the smoke inhalation. Mom is with him and she promised not to leave him alone for an instant. He should be back in his room in a few hours. That call from mom was to let me know that surgery was completed and they were in post op waiting for him him to wake up."

" He has been alone,he is probably terrified. I'm the worst mother ever."

"Please calm down. Other than now I haven't left his side since you collapsed. He is being taken care of and once this medicine has worn off I will find a way to reunite you with your son."

"I just want to hold my baby." She is weeping but seems to be calming down a little. She is a mom whose world revolves around her child. She is just like Grace.

"Ana, mom won't let you and Jaxson stay separated. I will go and check on him right now but I need take some calming breaths. Focus on a happy memory as you take deep breaths." At least Flynn's calming exercise bullshit has finally came in handy. That shot never helped with my nightmares. Shit Flynn, he can help.

"Keep taking calming breaths. What do you imagine when you think of your happy place?"

"A baby Jaxson. I loved that he would hold onto my finger as I was feeding him. How his soft tuft of curly brown hair smelt and I would give it a little kiss. His little smiles and his baby giggle. His chunky cheeks and those little dimples. ...Oh my god!" The breathing and talking about her happy place seemed to be helping until that that scream.

"What's wrong?" Please tell me I didn't mess up.

"Jaxson's baby items, his baby pictures and all the mementos are gone. I don't care so much of the stuff but the memories." Her tears start anew.

I don't know why but I pull Ana up enough so she is leaning her chest and body against my side. I wait for the burning feeling that always starts but nothing happens, that is perplexing.

"Jaxson and you will be fine. That is what is important. I need you to focus on that. While the nurse Margaret helps you I will go check on Jaxson and I will be back, alright?"

The tears continue for a few minutes but she eventually pulls herself up. I feel a loss once her body is not pressed into mine.

She is looking down at her hands that are gripping the sheet over her legs. This is the first time Anastasia has looked like she didn't want to say what was on her mind, I what it is.

"What is it? Do you need anything else?"

"Umm.." Could she have heard what I was saying?

"Please tell me. I really would like to help."

"It is just that I don't know you and I just lost it in front of you. It isn't like me to become a blubbering mess let alone feel like the damsel in distress. I'm sure you are used to people trying to use for your money. I have no idea how much it must have cost you to be here all this time, I know this isn't your MO."

Shit, she is thinking about about the gold digging sluts comment. " Anastasia, please don't think about that. I know you are completely different from Mia's others friends. I will forever regret what I said. You have no idea how bad I feel that you heard me say that and I understand that I shouldn't have said it. I have spent a lot of time with Jaxson and I can tell that you are an amazing mother and probably just as wonderful in the other aspects of your life. Please let me make up for my dreadful behavior. Can we be friends?"

It is obvious that I have surprised Anastasia. Her eyes are wide open, her pupils dilated and her mouth is gaping open. Is it that surprising that I could be someone's friend? Well actually it is. If this was last week, hell if it was two days ago I would say you were nuts. However right now I would like nothing more than to make things right with the tiny brunette that has yet to answer my question.

Before I can get an answer a new nurse enters the room with a tray full of bandages, ointments and other sealed items to change the dressing on the skin grafts.

" I will be back soon." I hope she understands how much Jaxson means to me and that I will protect them both.

Mrs. Curtis is standing in the hall waiting for me.

Once I fill her in on her incompetent staff she apologizes profusely. "What do the patients that don't have someone to advocate for them do?"

"Mr. Grey this is not an everyday occurrence. I can guarantee that it won't happen again."

"Make sure of it or I will purchase this hospital and fire everyone of you?"

" I will apologize to Ms. Steele personally and make sure that the staff understand that are VIP patients get the utmost respect."

"No!" They really don't get it.

"No?"

"Yes, No! I want all the patients to be treated better. It isn't right that only people with money are treated with compassion. Find out what it will cost to have more staff, extra training and to get rid of anyone that can't get on board."

I have never wanted to add a hospital to my portfolio but I am beyond pissed.

Jason and I leave the ICU and quickly make our way to Jaxson's room. I send a few texts to Mia, Barney and my mother.

"Jason can you ask for the head of the childlife department to meet us at Jaxson's room please?"

"Uh.. right away sir." Jason does not stutter, what was that about?

"Jason, what is the problem, speak freely."

"Well sir, I can't recall the last time you said please when asking for something. I think young mister Steele is affecting you. I remember when it happened after Sofie was born. You don't realize the little changes you subconsciously make." Jason has the biggest smirk and it is contagious because I have the same goofy grin on my face. I can't deny that Jaxson has gotten under my skin. Obviously he isn't my child but I can honestly say that for the first time ever I can imagine being a father some day.

" I suppose you are right. While we are talking please drop the sir. It is long overdue but you should call me Christian. I spend more time with you than anyone else, I'm just sorry that it has taken so long."

"Yes sir, I'm sorry, Christian. At some point we will need to go over the Elena Lincoln situation."

It is obvious that he is upset about what he has learned through my conversation with Sleeping Beauty. I should have told him everything before. For the first time I feel surprisingly at ease about it. I'm not going to post it on social media or anything but I at least I can think about it without physically getting ill. I wonder if this new calm will be lasting?

As we approach Jaxson's room the nurse's are getting Jaxson settled back into bed. He is no longer smiling. Once he is settled mom waves Jason and I in.

"Hey buddy, how are you feeling?" I ask. Nothing, no response.

"Are you excited about becoming an Avenger?" Taylor questions and to that Jaxson turns away from us and is looking at the wall.

This can't be a good sign. Mom fills us in that Jaxson's bronchoscopy showed some pulmonary edema which is swelling in the lungs. He also has pneumonia so he will be starting antibiotics. The biopsies that were taken were sent to the lab.

"Mom, Anastasia is awake. She is having the dressing changed for the skin grafts. Once that is complete can we get the two of them back together. She is having just as hard of a time."

"I am afraid not. Anastasia is on antibiotics to inhibit the growth of bacteria and another infection. Jaxson is also on antibiotics to fight the pneumonia. They need a little time. After 24 hours on antibiotics I would feel comfortable to reunite them."

"What? We can't do that? She practically pulled off her bandages and IV's just to get to the room." I can feel the outrage. How can this be allowed? I am about to have a temper tantrum.

"Christian Grey!" Mom whisper shouts. "You may be able to scare everyone into getting your way but not in my hospital. I will not risk the lives of my patients because you don't think it is fair. Well guess what? It is not fair but leaving a mother without a child or a child without a mother will do nobody any good. I need for both of them to start feeling better but also I need to uplift their spirits. It is proven that happy patients do much better. Do you understand?"

Well hell, now I feel like I am seven years old again and I got in trouble for putting the itching powder in Elliot's underwear. "Yes mother."

She turns towards Jason waiting expectantly. The look on his face is of the 'What did I do?' It appears to be a stalemate when Jason finally drops his head and apologizes to my mother. He is at least a foot taller and probably a good hundred pounds heavier but she will not take anyone's shit. The visual is too much and I try everything I can to not lose it to no avail.

Once I pull myself together I try to understand why Jaxson is so upset.

"When he woke up he wanted his mommy. The joy of a superhero dress up party can't hold a candle to the excitement of seeing one's mom. We have Ipad's that we use when we need translators. I can arrange to have one for each of them so that they can at least see each other."

"Taylor, have Barney bring two new Ipad's on his way. Ask him to load one with a bunch of kids apps."

"I will go speak with Ana. I need you to stay here and see if you can lift Jaxson's spirits."

"Yes mom."

"Jaxson darling I am going to go check on Mommy and see if she is awake. As soon as we can get the both of you feeling a little better the sooner I can have you both in the same room. Okay?"

"I... want…. my... momma!" Jaxson starts to cry between each word. Mom motions for me to come closer to the bed. I sit at the end. "Unke Cwistian.." He sobs again. Mom exits the room as Jaxson crawls into my lap. I guess I'm not getting help from her. His tears get stronger and he continues to whimper. I have no idea what to do so I start humming to the tune of Rubber Duckie, Row, row, row your boat, twinkle, twinkle and every other nursery rhyme that I learned to play on the piano. By the time I get to Mary Poppins Let's go Fly a kite Jaxson's tears have ceased and he has fallen asleep.

Taylor leaves to run a few errands that I needed to be completed. I spent an hour talking to the Wendy the Child-life representative on what could be done to help both mother and child. I am confident that we can pull this off.

I must have dosed off because the next thing I can hear a commotion in the hall. I protectively pull Jaxson against myself. Not that I think anyone dangerous could get past my security but that doesn't mean I am making it easier for anyone either.

A few more moments of loud voices and the door opens up. I sag with relief. There is no danger to Jaxson here. My credit card might need to be resuscitated. Mia and her friend Katherine Kavanaugh enter the room with a multitude of bags. I guess it could be worse and then I see Trent, Mia's CPO, pushing a cart that is over full followed by what looks like an orderly pushing a second cart.

The commotion has woken Jaxson. I was expecting him to want his auntie Mia or even Kate but instead he curls up into a little ball and is attached to me like a barnacle on the hull of a boat.

"Jaxson, my little cuddle bear. Can I have a hug?"

"No!" He shouts without turning his head.

"We brought you a prize. Christian told us how brave you have been." He doesn't respond to Katherine's comment instead his big blue eyes look up at me.

"Is momma dead?" He whispers emotionless. Instead of appearing as if he is going to cry it seems like he is shutting down. I remember this. Once I realized that my mom was gone I stopped speaking. I had lost everything, it was my way of protecting myself.

Mia and Katherine both seem to be on the edge of breaking down themselves. The little boy that has become family is looking at essentially a stranger for answers. The possibility that Jaxson and Anastasia could have both died was a real possibility and the psycho Jack Hyde is still on the loose.

"Jaxson your momma is hurt. She had to have surgery just like you did but she is not dead. Remember my friend Sawyer?"

"Spidey?"

"Yes, Spiderman. He has been with your momma. I have a surprise so that you will be able to see her. Remember how you spoke to Spidey on the tablet? Well my friend Barney should be here any moment. He is bringing a tablet for you and your mom. Until tomorrow you will have to talk to momma through that."

"Why? I want my special hug!" I don't have the slightest idea what a special hug is so I look to Mia and Katherine for help.

"Cuddle bear I think that got burned in the fire but I have this." Mia pulls out a stuffed bear that is bright orange. It has two yellow daisies on its white stomach. It looks like it is an antique but also strangely familiar.

Jaxson finally smiles at the girls and crawls to the end of the bed and gives them each a hug.

"Tank you!"

I have so many questions but they will have to wait.

Nurse Lilah another nurse that has known me since I was a kid comes in with a tray of soft foods. Lime Jello, chocolate pudding, a banana, mashed potatoes, tomato soup and several drinks. "Jaxson I brought you your favorites. They are all soft so they will help your throat."

"How about I feed you while you hold Friendship Bear?" Katherine asks.

Friendship Bear, the name sounds oddly familiar. Jaxson holds onto the bear even tighter but he nods in agreement.

I never would have pictured Katherine as motherly. The few times I have seen her she is usually dressed very scantily. Usually she and Mia were going clubbing so I guess it is fair to judge her by that. She has never hit on me like Mia's other social climbing friends.

Thank you, I mouth to Katherine.

"Mia what is a special hug, can I order it? What's with the bear?"

"When Ana was little her dad would bring her a different Care Bear each time he returned from a deployment. Jaxson's dad found this out and got Friendship Bear when he asked her out. By then she hadn't had a new one in years but he had heard the stories so he bought it. Ana's favorite flower is a daisy so it was perfect. Jaxson left this at moms the last time he was over."

"Care Bears… that sounds so familiar. Did you have one?"

"We all did. Mom would bring one to the kids in the hospital in Detroit. She wanted to make sure each child had a happy memory from the hospital. Elliot had TenderHeart, I think he still has his. I have Lotsa Heart a pink elephant and you had a blue bear named Grumpy. Mom says she tried to give you a different bear but you refused. You took it with you everywhere for the first two years after you became a Grey."

"I don't remember it. I know I don't have it at Escala."

"No you don't have it. I lost my elephant and you gave me Grumpy Bear. Once I found Lotsa you let me keep Grumpy so I would always have you nearby. I still have him at home."

I don't remember any of this. I remember fighting with Elliot and feeling like I didn't belong but somehow I have forgotten the happy memories. How? Why? My list of things to talk to Flynn about keeps growing.

I need to change the subject. I will have time to dissect all of this later.

"What about the special hug? Where can I buy one of those?"

"Again, that is not something that can be purchased. After Jaxson's father died Ana took one of his military dress shirts and filled the arms with padding. Whenever Jaxson missed his dad he could have a special hug from his arms. It was his shirt and Ana would spray his cologne on it once in awhile so Jaxson would have that connection. That is irreplaceable."

"Well hell… hopefully this will be enough. Did you get everything you needed?"

"Yes, it will take some time for the other stuff to be complete but we have everything for today."

Mia and Katherine show Jaxson the clothes and toys they have purchased a long with enough supplies to decorate the hospital with some holiday cheer. Did I just say holiday cheer? The possibility that I have an aneurysm seems to be increasing. What is wrong with me.

A knock on the door and Barney enters with a two boxes. Once he has everything set up he follows Mia and Katherine to Anastasia's room. Jaxson is excited for all of the apps that he is playing but he is most excited about seeing his mom so they don't hold his attention for long.

A short while later the Facetime icon pops onto the screen with a picture of Anastasia and a newborn baby Jaxson in her arms. He slides the icon and excitedly screams "Momma!" when her face fills the screen.

"Jaxson!" The tears from mother and child have the nurses rushing in to both rooms. This time it is happy tears so they quickly leave.

The conversation is mostly 'I love you's" back and forth. Once Jaxson realizes that his mom is in fact alright he starts to tell her about his Avengers team that is protect them and all the presents he has received. I feel like I am intruding on a special moment between mother and son but Jaxson has shifted once again so he is sitting on my lap.

After two hours of talking, Anastasia watching through the iPad as Jaxson got a breathing treatment and his medications he tells his mom that he is getting tired.

"Christian could you please rub his back as I sing him his song?"

"Sure", I position Jaxson so his head is leaning against my chest but he can still see the screen. In the background I can hear Mia's gasp. Mom and Taylor are the only ones that know that Jaxson can touch my no go areas. Until now that has only ever been Mia.

Anastasia starts to sing and her voice is like angels.

"Baby mine, don't you cry

Baby mine, dry your eyes

Rest your head close to my heart

Never to part

Baby of mine"

As she completes the song it finally hits me where I recognize the song from. The mom from the Disney movie Dumbo sings it to her baby. That scene always made mom cry when we were kids but she said she loved the movie anyway. She would sing it to me when I had a nightmare. At first she would lead me to the piano. I would sit at the opposite end of the piano bench while she played the music and sang along. Eventually as I started to trust she would sit next to my bed and run her fingers through my hair as she sang. The memory is another that I seem to have suppressed. It brings tears to my eyes. My mom has always loved me.

Jaxson is asleep by the time the song is finished and I lay him on his bed. The quiet beeping of his monitors is the only sound. I look back at the monitor and Anastasia appears to be crying as well.

"Did I do something wrong?" I can't help but question. I am definitely not an expert when it comes to children.

"No, that is not it." Anastasia starts to speak to Katherine and Mia who are out of the camera's range. I completely forgot they were even in the room.

"Do you mind sitting with Jaxson so that I can speak with Christian?"

I can't hear what is being said but Factime is turned off so I presume that they are on the way.

I wonder what it is. Could it be the presents? Was it too much? Maybe the CPO's. It's not like I have had the chance to talk to her. I feel like I am waiting to see the principal.

Thank you for all the encouragement. Please let me know what you think. I am still very new at this.

3 3 Ruby


	8. Chapter 8

Could it be the presents? Was it too much? Maybe the CPO's. It's not like I have had the chance to talk to her. I feel like I am waiting to see the principal. I have done that enough times. Maybe if I explain what has been going on? That's it. She has been unconscious, this must be strange having someone she can't stand spending time with her son.

But what if she doesn't want me to spend time with Jaxson? I guess I'm not needed. Katherine and Mia are feeling better. Security can stay in place without me being in the hospital. I have plenty of work to do. I am a busy CEO, I don't need to do this. This isn't important, I was just doing it to help Grace. I'm a busy CEO. I'm a busy CEO.

"Christian, are you alright?"

"Huh? What did you say Jason?"

"Clark was following you to Ms. Steele's room. I arrived to relieve him about ten minutes ago. You had stopped walking a few minutes before that. Apparently you kept mumbling I'm a busy CEO. Are you alright?"

"I think I'm afraid to lose Jaxson?" I finally voice my concern.

"Why would that happen?"

"She has no reason to need me. I said some horrible things."

"Christian has Ms. Steele said that she doesn't want you around her son?"

"Well no, but she was crying and emotional." At this Jason starts to laugh.

"Christian sometimes I forget that you haven't had much experience with non- submissive women." He whispered the last word. " women are emotional creatures, throw in hormones, their children and an extreme circumstance like being in the hospital they are bound to cry, laugh even throw stuff. You have done everything you can to help Jaxson. He has bonded with you and you with him. Sure, you said some stuff that was less than complimentary but that wasn't recently and you didn't even know her. Parents want what is best for their child. Give Ms. Steele a chance. I am willing to bet your bank account that she appreciates what you have done for Jaxson and herself."

"My bank account?"

"Well yeah.. it is bigger than pretty much everyone's in the country." Jason actually winks before he starts to laugh. Somehow he has managed to calm me down.

We start to walk towards the Anastasia's room and he fills in. With the right amount of people and money anything can be done. Everything on my list should be completed on time.

We arrive to Anastasia room just as my mother is leaving. I wasn't expecting that. She gives me a long hug.

"Thank you Christian. I love you!" Before I can respond she is out of the door.

"Hello Anastasia." I don't don't show my hand. I don't know who's way this is going to go. I am hoping Jason is correct and I am burying my fears for the moment.

"You are Mr. Taylor right?" She questions.

"Yes mam. What Can I do for you ?"

"I just wanted to thank you and your team of Avengers. Jaxson is very excited to have you guarding us. I am not one that normally accepts assistance but I appreciate the help this time. I know this is beyond my capabilities. He is looking forward to dressing up. If you need help getting out of that let me know. You don't have to feel beholden to him. Those dimples have a way of getting people to agree to things that they wouldn't normally do."

"Thank you Mam but it will be fun."

"Call me Ana, no more Mam."

"Only if you call me Jason."

"Deal! Jason do you mind keeping everyone out while I speak with Christian?"

" Sure thing."

Jason leaves the room and I feel lost. I don't know what I should do. Sit, stand, dance and do a jig, follow him out, yell for him to stop.

"Calm down Christian."

"What?"

"You look like I am about to kill your cat. Am I that bad?"

"Hey you stole my line."

"I would like to apologize for my behavior last year. Whether I knew you were in the house or not I should not have spoken about you like that."

"Thank you, I get where you were coming from. Some of Mia's friends are social climbing whore's. You had no way of knowing that I was not like Lilly."

Anastasia starts to laugh and I can't stop my laughter.

"How about... we start over?"

When she suggests that I let out a sigh of relief. I didn't realize how apprehensive I was.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I would really like that."

"Thank you."

Anastasia moves over on the bed and pats the end. She is so tiny that there is more than enough room.

She reaches for my hand with both of her tiny hands and wraps them around it. I can feel the electricity charging through her fingers. It is as if her fingers are thunderbolts and they are shooting straight threw my hand; Strange. I'm staring at our hands until she starts speaking and I look into the deepest blue cerulean blue eyes. I could get lost in these eyes.

"I would like to thank you for everything you have done for me but mostly for Jaxson. Grace was just filling me in on what has been going on and I am beyond grateful. If someone had asked me if I thought you would be the kind, caring, sensitive type I would have said no way. You were the last of the Grey's that I thought would be sitting vigil next to Jaxson's bed."

For some reason that critique is heartbreaking. I was sure that I didn't have a heart but now I know differently. I should never have let myself become so close to him, to anyone. This will only end badly. She isn't going to let me see Jaxson. I need to get out of here. I can't listen to anything else she says. I go to pull my hand away but she tightens her hold. Why is she holding my hand, is it to lighten the blow? I wonder if it is like when you break up with someone in a public place so they don't make a scene. Once she shouts my name I am pulled out of the abyss that is my self loathing subconscious.

"CHRISTIAN! Christian, you didn't hear me. Sorry I raised my voice but you looked like you were caught in a dark place."

She isn't wrong. My subconscious can be darker than any alley in Detroit or any one of her dungeons. What did I miss?

"I'm sorry what did you say?"

"Breathe and listen!"

As nervous as I am I must smile when Anastasia's mom look is aimed at me. For once it isn't the angry mom look, it is the 'everything will be okay' look. I remember seeing that all the time. Grace and Carrick would be angry at whatever I did but they were always sure that I knew I wasn't being sent away. The first time Elliot and I got in trouble for breaking a vase I thought I was being sent back to Detroit.

I take a deep breath and look into her eyes again.

"I said that you, Christian Grey, were, as in past tense the last person I thought would be sitting by my sons bed. That I was completely surprised to find out that you had not only stayed with him but that you have also become very important to him. I am guessing that the feeling is mutual?"

"Yes."

"No mother wants to be separated from their child and the thought of being away from him while he needed me and was calling for me is heartbreaking. I have been comforted by the fact that he has not been alone. I had envisioned Grace or Carrick sitting by Jaxson. Kate and Mia buying him way too many toys. Maybe even Elliot watching a movie with him.

Surprised is not the word I would use to describe how I was feeling to find out you have been at Jaxson's side nonstop. I was wrong to make an assumption. My daddy always said that you make an ass out of you and me when you assume. I'm sorry. I don't really know you but I would like to get to know the person that has been taking care of my baby. You have become his hero."

"Hero, me?"

You would think she had just told me that I had won the lottery. Not that I have ever played but who hasn't wanted to become instantly rich. I would be lying if I said I hadn't.

"Yes you, didn't you notice that everything he talked about was Unke Christian this and Unke Christian that? He looks up to you and not just because he is only three feet tall. He was really scared when we were trapped in the house. I hate that I couldn't protect him; that I couldn't keep Hyde from hurting him. Your security officers have given him the feeling of safety that was stolen from him. I appreciate more than you know and I will find a way to repay you."

"No you won't." Before she can continue I gruffly stop her. "I don't want your money." I reign in my temper before it gets the best of me. " Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh but I don't need your money. I have more than I could spend in a lifetime. Please don't worry about it."

"What do you want? I have been told that you haven't left the hospital since you arrived. I was less than pleasant to you but I didn't scare you away. While Jaxson is awake he wants a lot of attention or to play. I guess you could get work done while he was asleep but since you seem as worried as I am I doubt that. What is it that you want Christian?"

"Before this week I would have agreed with your assessment. I was even skeptical about the entire story when I first saw the gofundme page."

"Fuck, I completely forgot about that. I am going to kill Mia and Kate."

Oops I guess she forgot about that. Great job Grey. As she let's go of my hand I place my hand on top of the two of hers. The zinging and zapping is even stronger but I will have to explore that later.

"Anastasia, it is your time to calm down and listen. I would give you the mom look that you and Grace are so good at but I don't know it. I didn't know you, at least I didn't know that we were so well connected.

Before I forget John Flynn was by and he will be back later. He and Rain are very worried." She gives me that look that only makes me smile.

" Like I said I didn't know how well we were connected. I can't say that if we had met in the past three years that I would have behaved better than I did when Mia tried to set us up.

I can't apologize enough for that day. I really wish we could have had that first date. Maybe someday

you will do me the honor of going out with me. Until then I would like to prove I am worthy of being your friend and hopefully Jaxson's uncle.

I can't explain it but I feel connected to him. I know he isn't my kid but I feel like he easily could be. I don't know how much you know about my childhood but someday I will tell you everything and how that makes me feel attached to your son.

I just want to protect him. When he was crying I felt helpless. I couldn't do anything and my billions meant nothing."

"I would be honored to call you a friend and Jaxson already loves his Unke Christian. Thank you again for everything."

A Skype call comes through on the iPad.

"Hello Grace." Anastasia answers.

"Hello darling girl. How are you feeling. I hope my son is taking care of you." Thanks mom.

"We are just trying to get to know each other. How is Jaxson doing? I have been so worried. I can't stand the thought of being away from him."

" He has been asleep since Christian left. We gave him a breathing treatment while he slept and the new medication I discussed with you. I was even able to do the bandage change without waking him. Christian has arranged for a surprise, has he had a chance to tell you about it?"

"Another surprise? What else could there be?"

I really hope she likes this. "Mom do you want to explain everything before you wake Jaxson up? Once he is awake he will be too excited."

"Yes of course. Let me grab a few things."

As mom walks away she leaves the iPad propped up on its kickstand. It gives the perfect view of an angelic sleeping Jaxson. Obviously this was intentional because now Anastasia has the biggest smile on her face.

The iPad is placed on the rolling table in front of us. I probably should move off of Anastasia's bed but I can't seem to do it. Although we have moved a bit she is still holding one of my hands. She may not even realize it at this point. The feeling of our fingers joined together continues to course through me. It could be a fluke but I am not willing to take that chance.

Anastasia traces her finger along the iPad over the sleeping Jaxson. As if he could feel his moms presents his tiny frame wiggles a little in the bed and Mia comes into view. I didn't realize she was in the room but I am glad Jaxson isn't alone. Mia whisper something into his ear and he quickly stands up. With assistance from Mia he gets out of bed and runs off the screen. Once he is out of sight Anastasia looks at me with sadness in her eyes but hopefully this next surprise will help that.

"I miss him so much."

"I know." Nothing seems adequate so I just pull her closer into my side to try and comfort her the best I can. We just stare at each other and I can't help but wish I wasn't so fucked up. I would just kiss her and the rest would lead to a happily ever after. Does that even exist? Before my internal battle can be decided a little head pops back into the screen yelling.

"Momma.. hi!" Jaxson is waving his hand so fast I'm surprised he hasn't started to hover off the ground.

"Hi baby boy. I love you to the moon and back."

"I wuv you to the Death Star and back."

I don't know what that means but it has me smiling.

"Unke Cwistian… hi! Where u go?"

"Hi buddy I came to check on your momma. I will be back soon. I have a surprise for you and your momma. Can you help me with it?"

"Uh huh… Auntie Mia says I special helper. I got new Thor jammies on, see?"

" They look amazing. I think you have a toy hammer too."

"Cooool!"

Without another word Jaxson runs off to Mia as fast as his IV Pole will go. I wonder how fast he is without that.

"Sorry about the delay. That took longer than I expected. Hello Jaxson how are you feeling? Can I check you out real quickly?"

"Yes, Grammies Gwace. Did you see my hammer?"

"You have Mjonlir. That is so cool. It is super strong just like you."

My mom never ceases to amaze me. She was able to answer questions about the Avengers that I don't know all while checking Jaxson out and ensuring that his mother was calm and had all of her questions answered.

"Alright, Christian arranged for his team, child life, Elliott's crew and a host of others to work together to make rooms in the pediatric floor interactive. Each room has ipads and very large screens. The rooms are being fitted with system to change the rooms colors with a projector, video games, educational games. With their direction every child's room will have the latest. The rooms had been remodeled recently but it was more for the medical side. They were aesthetically pleasing but they didn't really help the children. The new upgrades will allow to distract the kids while they heal."

"That is amazing Christian what a kindhearted thing to do."

"Thank you."

"I help?"

"Yes buddy. Can you hold onto Grammys hand?"

"Where is he going?" Anastasia starts to get worried. I guess she forgot that she is watching everything he does.

"It is a surprise. Just watch."

The iPad follows behind Katherine, mom and Jaxson. Mia's voice can be heard as she carries the tablet. Jaxson stops to high five and fist bump each of my men. He calls each by their new superhero names and when he meets two that he has not met yet he stops to decide what name will fit. A few questions later and we now have Aquaman and The Flash added to the team.

The walk has taken almost thirty minutes and they are only going seven rooms away from where they started. Once the doors open Jaxson starts to squeal in excitement.

Anastasia gives me a questioning look.

"The room has all the same things that will be put into the rest of the pediatric department but this room is double the size. It is made as a family suite for when family members are brought in together. This way they don't have to be separated. I have sponsored one and I made a few calls so the others are also sponsored by prominent members of the community."

"The rooms have been set up in a way that it won't matter what insurance the family has or even if they have insurance. The room is to make families feel better by being together. A child can't heal if they are crying for a parent and a parent won't heal if they refuse to go to their room because they don't want to be separated from their child. This room has been sponsored by a very special family. They will also be they first patients."

Mia zooms out and next to the door is a plaque that reads.

Sponsored by The Steele Family.

"What, how?"

"I sponsored that room in yours and Jaxson's names. I have already paid for the first ten years of it. I know you hate being away from Jaxson and mom says that as soon as you have been on the antibiotics for a little bit longer you will be able to join Jaxson in the room." I answer truthfully.

Hopefully this will help so mother and child can be back together but also so that another child doesn't go through what I did. The technology didn't exist back then but I'm sure they could have done something. The conversations I have had with the child life team has made that clear.

For the next forty minutes we watch as Jaxson explores the room. He has found some of the hidden treasures but there are still so much more. Once he gets hungry he gives the iPad a big kiss and says goodbye.

"Momma I go eat. I wuv you." Jaxson

"I love you too."

"I wuv you Uncle Cwistian, bye." The call is turned off and I am left with the biggest smile ever.

"You have an amazing son."

"Thank you for everything you are doing. I can't even imagine what this all cost. So many families will be helped. The children will love the rooms. Thank you doesn't seem like enough."

"I almost forgot." From next to the bed. I grab the box that Jason brought in. I hand it to Anastasia.

"Friendship bear, oh my." She murmured Inside the box is an orange care bear with yellow daisies on its belly.

"Keep going." I encourage her.

Underneath some tissue paper is a digital frame with hundreds of photos of Jaxson, Anastasia and her friends and family. She also has 4 scrapbooks with the same photos in different sizes.

"How? As tears are staining her cheeks she only whispers one word.

"Katherine and Mia had been on bed rest while they got over the food poisoning so I had them arrange any and all pictures that they had, you had on social media and anyone that we could think of. It won't replace everything that was lost but this is a start."

The small tears have morphed. I think these are happy tears but they sound so much like the tears from earlier when she couldn't go to Jaxson's room. That helpless feeling is back again. I don't think I will ever really understand women.

"I'm sorry. Do you want me to take them away?"

I'm grasping at straws but this wasn't what I was expecting.

"No, please leave them. Thank you."

I don't know how it happened but Anastasia is giving me a hug again. Her tears have not stopped but she is holding on to my neck and upper back. No burning, none at all, it is actually the opposite. Her touch feels good. Almost Healing. How can that be?

I don't know how much time passes but the door to the room slams open with a deafening crash.

"Get your hands off my daughter Grey. You are a sick fuck and I won't have you near her or my grandson.

Thanks for all the great reviews I am not a doctor, I have just spent a lot of time in hospitals. Sorry for any medical errors please let me know what you think

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah. Please stay safe on New Year's Eve.


	9. Chapter 9

Authors Note:

Sorry for the delay.

I have not and will not ever abandon my stories. I am just having a hard time with real life. On top of having pneumonia for the past month my eldest has had a small surgery planned for his tonsils. At the same time his hip pain turned excruciating and now he needs to have both repaired.

He will need a scope and than another set of surgeries.

My ten year old will also be having bilateral knee surgery. As their mom and the one who gave them this connective tissue disorder this has been very difficult. I feel guilty even though I know I couldn't have changed this. You never want to see your babies in pain.

You want to take their pain away, absorb it for them, shield them from ever hurting but that isn't possible. As much as I would love to promise that nothing would ever happen to him Dory pointed out long ago that, " You can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun." This is just something they have to go through. That doesn't mean I won't be by their side. I will update all of my stories when possible. Thank you for being patient. 3

I don't know how it happened but Anastasia is giving me a hug again. Her tears have not stopped but she is holding on to my neck and upper back. No burning, none at all, it is actually the opposite. Her touch feels good. Almost Healing. How can that be?

I don't know how much time passes but the door to the room slams open with a deafening crash.

"Get your hands off my daughter Grey! You are a sick fuck and I won't have you near Ana or my grandson. I don't care how much money you have. She isn't going to be one of your slaves."

What is going on? I'm in the Twilight zone. I am guessing that this is General Steele. When did he get here? Anastasia is holding on to me and instead of jumping off of me she seems to be holding on tighter. I am trying to gently move Anastasia off of my lap but she is holding on with dear life. Is she afraid for me or her father?I look at her and what I see in her eyes is bewildering. She isn't afraid. She looks sad and apologetic. Does she think I will do something to her dad. She quickly glances up to me and quickly back to her father. It is obvious she is afraid of him. I don't think for herself. I believe she is afraid for, me. What does she think he will do? How is that possible after what he just said?

I am trying to control the rage that I am feeling towards the General but I don't know if it is possible. Someone I have never met is screaming at me like I am the pedophile. I could never be like that monster. What does he know? And how does he know it? Welch and Barney have some explaining to do.

Just as I am about to call out for Taylor. He pushes into the room with Sawyer and four men in army fatigues. The five men are armed. I detest guns. I guess this explains how the General was able to walk in unannounced.

General Steele moves closer to the bed, when they say, if looks good could kill they are serious. He has a look of unadulterated hate. You would think I ran over his puppy or slept with his wife or something.

If I didn't have Anastasia in my arms I would have punched that look off his face. Who does he think he is?

"Get your hands off my daughter! Get away from her. You are the lowest of the low. I don't care how much money you have, I am not afraid of you. If you think she is going in your room of torture you are mistaken."

Everyone in the room realizes that he knows about the bdsm. They are all staring at me. This doesn't make sense. Who else knows about my past? This reminds me that I need to talk to mom about her comment the first night I arrived here. I can't deal with that now. What will Anastasia say? I wanted to tell her on my own.

Did you Grey? Do you really believe that you would have told her now that she is conscious and giving you a chance? Would you risk seeing Jackson? …..I don't know. … think Grey. Take charge, worry later.

"General you have no idea what you are talking about." I whisper shout. I can't believe I am having this conversation in a hospital with someone I have never met. Correction, with a room full of people I have never met.

"Don't bother lying. I know about Suzannah Scott and Leila Williams. Get out of the hospital before I go to the news and tell them everything."

I can't find the words. Is this really happening? I am trying to find the words to explain everything. I don't want her to think I am a monster. What if she changes her mind and doesn't allow me to spend time with Jaxson?

I finally look at Anastasia and she looks mad. I move my hands away and look to the floor. It is too late.

"How dare you?" The venom in her voice is what I have always expected. It is the reason I have never told my family what happened. I knew they would hate me. It is how I envisioned they would react.

I rise out of my seat with Anastasia in my arms and place her back onto the bed. Her entire body is tensed and I am crushed. I feel like my world has ended. I haven't felt like this since I was four years old. At least I didn't really understand what I was losing back then.

"I'm sorry Anastasia. May I say goodbye to Jaxson before I leave." My voice is a whisper. He is her son. Although it will kill me I will not go against her wishes if she says no.

"Christian, shut up! I am not speaking to you."

What?! I raise my eyes and she is looking right at her father. I steal a look at him and he appears to be as baffled as I. This is definitely unexpected. She gracefully rises from the hospital bed. Although she is attached to an IV it looks more like Gandalf's powerful staph and not like something that is holding her back. Each step she takes towards her father she looks taller and taller, almost menacing.

If I didn't know better I would think that she had put on stilettos so that she was almost eye to eye with the General.

"Jason close the door please." The voice is quiet but authoritative. It leaves no room to argue. Normally Jason would look towards me when an order was given by someone else but this time Anastasia has left no room to be questioned.

What Anastasia says next floors me.

"Daddy I love you but you have no right to speak to my dear friend like this."

" Friend?" I like the sound of that. In my head I am reaching my hand into the air and punching the sky, on the outside I stand stoically waiting for what will happen next.

" Yes, now quiet." For an instant she turns back and her eyes are smiling and I can see her amusement. I'm not fooling her and I have to admit that I like that. I hadn't realized I said that out loud but her confirmation warms me. I have a friend, a real friend. I don't think I have ever been this happy.

She turns back to her father and her eyes turn frosty once more. Remember that look Grey… don't piss her off.

"Anastasia, you have no idea what kind of man he is. Mia and his parents are wonderful. His brother is a manwhore but he is harmless otherwise. This man is a monster, he hides behind his money." The hatred dripping off her father's voice could be battery acid, it is lethal.

"I don't know what information you have or where you got it but this man has been by son and your grandsons side for the past few days.

He hasn't left the hospital. Jason, his CPO has been arranging for food, change of clothes and the rooms next to Jaxsons for his team to rest. He has had an army of guards protecting myself and my little boy. Have you forgot that is your only grandchild. His character is what is important to me and he has proven himself as a caring, kind and generous man. I don't need you judging him and trying to forbid me like I am a teenager. The days for that have long past."

"Anastasia, you are my baby. I am just looking out for you. He is not the man you think. He has somehow brainwashed you. I just need a few minutes alone to tell you the truth. Trust me Annie you don't want that monster near Jaxson." The General seems to be fuming. I know I have called myself a monster and thought my family would say the same if they found out about my past but a complete stranger calling me a monster is an entirely different story.

"Daddy, I love you, really I do, and I appreciate where this is coming from but if you ever imply that I am some moron that can be brainwashed by some pretty face and fat wallet you really don't know me. Those are two things that are more likely to turn me away and you know that. I know more than enough." She quips as she turns around and heads back towards her bed.

Does everyone know my secrets?

"Anastasia, please listen to me, I won't allow him to hurt you.."

Before the General can say anymore he is cut off by Anastasia that is seething with fury. She has stopped in her tracks. She slowly turns around and if she could be a cartoon character I am sure flames would be coming through her ears right now. This is the maddest I have ever seen her. Considering the short amount of time we have known each other that is substantial.

Note to self, don't ever try to forbade Anastasia from anything .

"What do you mean 'allow me', nobody tells me what to do. Paul didn't when he was alive and you don't know. Maybe you haven't noticed but I am not a little kid anymore. Even if I was a kid the minute the stick turned pink I became an adult. He…" She stops momentarily and points toward me then quickly turns her attention back to her father. "is my friend daddy. I don't need you to 'allow' me to do anything.

I'm glad I never really envisioned Ms. Steele as a sub because that would not have happened. I knew that after we met the first day but seeing her put her father in his place makes this moment a little better.

"Annie please, a few days of flashing his cash does"

Before the General can say anymore my world is again turned upside down.

"Daddy stop, he has left the lifestyle and he was forced into it like husband number three tried to do to me. What if I hadn't been able to get a hold of you that day? What if you had left for that mission? What if Morton had been able to sell my virginity like he planned? He was an innocent child Daddy. At fifteen a monster took advantage of him. His monster had access and was able to cause for worse damage. The only difference between he and I was that his monster succeeded. She messed with his mind and made him think it was consensual. A grown woman made him believe that he couldn't be loved, that he wasn't worthy of his family and that nobody cared about him. Sound familiar?"

"Annie, I …"

"Daddy I appreciate you looking after me but I am not a child. Everything is not always how it appears."

"What about the women?"

"Daddy, he is a grown man. Unless you can tell me those women were underage it is consensual. I am not going to judge his private life. I don't ask you about your boyfriend and what you do when you are alone. Should I judge you by your nocturnal activities?"

"Annie, that is not what you think." The General pleads.

Even I don't believe that.

"Daddy I have known about you and Gregory since I was fourteen. I want you to be happy. Don't sully that with a lie. Christian is a friend. Will that change into something more, I don't know. What I do know is that you will have to get along. I need you both."

As her words sink in I realize that she heard everything I said when she was unconscious. She needs me and she isn't repulsed by my past. Why didn't she tell me she knew?

"Annie, I am sorry. I shouldn't have barged in here like that. If you are willing to talk about number three than I know it is the truth. I didn't think anyone could be worse than that creature."

"Daddy we all need to talk but can we do this without an armed audience. No offense."

Ana slowly walks back over to her bed. The adrenaline must be leaving her body because she looks like a flower that is wilting. I need to know about this Morton/number three but right now is not the time. A quick look at Taylor and he knows I want all the information. After this fuck up the guys better not miss anything.

"Annie, how are you feeling? I just received word last night about the fire. I was on a mission with zero communication. I got on the first flight. Thanks for offering you jet Mr. Grey but my jets our faster."

I think The General is trying to play nice. I guess from what he knew I was a monster. I will need to ask him what he knows and how but that can wait.

"Please call me Christian, Mr. Steele. If I could fly one of yours I would choose that too."

"It is General Steele" Ana gives her father that stare and he stands tall and seems to acquiesce. " but you can call me Ray." He reaches out his hand and we shake. For an old man he has a strong grip. Nothing I can't take but he is definitely sending a warning.

"Ray, I know we have a lot to talk about but can we do this in private. Ana's Security can show you where to go and the nurses can explain the protocols. Ana is still recovering and we don't want to delay her reunion with Jaxson."

"Annie, I want to know everything."

"Yes, daddy." She kisses him on the cheek as he looks over her. It looks like this is the first time he is seeing all the wires, monitors and bandages. The look of pure anger that washes over his face is frightening. He looks at me, Sawyer and Taylor and Trevor who is now standing guard by the door.

With a nod I begrudgingly get an okay.

"What can you tell me about this Hyde?" He asks Taylor. His fists are turning white and the vein is popping out on the side of his neck. Poppa Steele is mad. Let's hope all of the precautions we have taken to ensure the safety of his daughter and grandson will get me in his good graces.

Just as an angry Ray and his fatigue covered friends go to leave an alarm on Taylor's watch blares to life. The sound is unmistakable. Before I can stop myself I tense. Ana notices and she too realizes what it means.

Rays hand flies to his holster and he too is ready to attack.

"Jaxson!" Is her only cry as she tries to run for the door. My arms slip around her tiny waist and I pull her back onto the bed.

"Taylor what is going on?"

"The silent alarm has been activated on Jaxson's room. We installed it yesterday. It locks him in the room. He should be safe but I need to find out why it got activated. Stay here."

"What? No! If something's happening i need to be there. My baby." Ana's screaming heightens Christian panic.

"Sir, don't leave the room." I might not like it but I know in instances like this I can't argue with Jason.

Holding on to Anastasia as she is freaking out about what is happening is like holding a shark by its tail during a feeding frenzy.

"Calm down Ana, your stitches."

Ray isn't happy that I have my arms around his daughter but he too is worried about his grandson.

"Sawyer guard the door. Don't open it until you receive the all clear. Hopefully this is just a false alarm." Taylor is taking control of the situation.

Just as Taylor is leaving Ray and two of his men rush towards the door.

"We are coming. Two of my men will stay and help your men. Let's go."

"Daddy…." Ana's tears are now wails.

"Annie, stay here."

I gently lift her and place her head against my chest. I can't tell her to stop crying because I am on the verge of tears. The fear she must be feeling is unimaginable. I have to believe that my men have Jaxson safe. Until we know something I will hold her and rub her back. We can comfort each other.

The seconds feel like minutes. Minutes feel like hours. If Ana wasn't attached to an IV I would be afraid that she would become dehydrated from all the tears.

We need to know what is happening. Feeling helpless I continue to rub her back as she weeps into my soaked shirt.

"Ana, I won't let anything happen to that little boy. I love him. His avengers will keep him safe."

I don't know what I said but the tears just got stronger. Ana is gripping onto my shirt and I can feel her nails digging into my chest. It is actually a comfortable distraction from the fear that is eating me up inside.

I need to know what is happening.

In the distance I can hear shots being fired. I remember the sound from when I lived in Detroit.

The piercing sound can be nothing else.

TPOV

Today had been a clusterfuck of monumental proportions. Not only did General Steele barge in on the boss he somehow knows all of his secrets.

I might not have always agreed with the kinky stuff the boss was into he is a grown man. The harem of brunettes were consenting adults. If they had been anywhere close to eighteen I would have quit on the spot.

True BDSM is t for everyone but after seeing his nightmares firsthand I could see why he wanted the control. I even spoke to some people in the community and what he did was tame.

I can't say I was sad to see Cruella DeVille go. She was poisonous. He has changed so much since her evil claws were removed.

He was still an ass but usually people deserved it. They see a pretty face and number signs. They don't see what he does for others. They only think about what it will do for them. His philanthropic ways and how he helps is what counts. He quietly gives to so many organizations.

When General Steele barged into the hospital I had no idea what was going to happen. I can't say I would have behaved differently if Sofia was in the same position. For the moment things had calmed down.

The alarm going off has us all worried. Jaxson's floor is lined with my men. I am hoping it is a false alarm but with that fucker Hyde on the loose we can't chance it. He has already proven that he has no problem hurting a child.

" We are taking the stairs. What is happening? We have a Three minute ETA. Be ready."

"Hyde was seen at the service elevator by Tyler one of the new men. He was in blue scrubs. He has bleached and cut his hair but it is obvious that it was him."

"Where is Jaxson?" They better not let anything happen to that little boy.

He is in his new room getting a breathing treatment with Dr. Travelyn. Ms. Kavanugh and Ms. Grey are in the room as well. I am positioned outside. Spider-Man is inside the room. It is locked."

Reynolds is trying to speak calmly but the tension in his voice makes in evident that he is anything but. The strain in his voice is palpable. We run the last floor of steps faster in an anxious silence.

Once on the floor everyone is on high alert. Weapons are not drawn but everyone has their hand on their holster.

General Steele might have twenty years on me but he is fit. Not that anything else would be expected of a former army ranger. I have to admit that having the General and his extra men is helpful.

As we round the corner the halls are empty. Each patient has a nurse in their room and the guards are lining the halls. We slowly make it towards Jaxson's new room when a shot is fired. Trying to return fire while not hitting any patients is difficult. While Hyde doesn't seem to care and is hitting everything. The last shot grazes my shoulder and hits the General in the bicep.

Hyde has escaped to the emergency exit with four men on his trail.

I turn back towards the General to see if he needs any help but he is gone.

"Open these doors!" The general yells at Reynolds.

My men are ready to pounce. They have all come to love this little boy.

"Let the General in to see his grandson after we get him cleaned up."

"Sir you don't want to scare Jaxson with all if that blood. Let the nurse get you patched up. That way we can confirm that Hyde is out of the building. If you sit here you can see him. As is your daughter is going to go ballistic that I let you get shot."

"My Annie is a spitfire. Hurry this up. I need to make sure he is safe for myself. I am also going to call in more men."


	10. Chapter 10

"No" The scream I let out is blood curdling. My world is upside down and I can't do anything to change it. The feeling of helplessness is not something I can handle. I always have a plan and a backup plan. Being a mom means being prepared for anything. Extra clothes, snacks, toys, bandaids, you name it. Being in the hospital was bad enough. Now shots are being fired. 'What to expect when you are expecting' and the dozen other books did not cover this situation. I need to do something. I will not wait around doing nothing.

"My baby. Let me out of here." Gunshots in the hospital. This can't be. "Let go of me Christian." Christian won't let go of me. This is terrible. Crazy Hyde is running around the hospital and I am stuck in this room. I am thrashing around but the wall of muscle that is Christian Grey just holds on tighter.

"I hate you. Let go of me." I scream.

"I've got you. We will get through this."

"No! I need to get to my baby. Go back to being an ass."

I don't know how to process this. How can I just sit by quietly, maybe not quietly, while my son is in the same hospital as this madman?

"Ana, please stop. Hyde is looking for you. What would Jaxson do without you? You need to stay safe and trust the guys."

"The guys?"

"Yes the guys? Jaxson's avengers. They care for him and will do everything in their power to protect him. If that means they give their life they are prepared."

The guys, Jaxson's avengers. His heroes that would lay down their lives for him.

Jaxson is safe! Jaxson is safe! Jaxson is safe! Jaxson is safe!Jaxson is safe! Jaxson is safe! Jaxson is safe! Jaxson is safe! I can't stop repeating my mantra. I don't know what I would do without my baby boy. How did I get into this situation? I need to get to him.

"Shh, I will get you back to Jaxson. I won't let anything happen to either of you." I didn't realize I said that all aloud. Christian has been running one of his hands down my back. I don't know how long it has been since we heard the gunshots but we haven't heard from daddy, Taylor or the other guys. Sawyer and the other Guyana daddies men are still standing guard. Christian grasps my cheek and the sincerity in his voice is endearing. As I look into his eyes I can see that he too is worried. He loves my little boy too.

"Jaxson has to be safe. Don't blame yourself. None of this is your fault. This is all Hyde. He is crazy and should never have been able to get a gun."

"My baby had to have surgery, has been hospitalized, survived a fire and now is hopefully safely locked in a room while a gunman tries to once again kill him. I did this. I should have just quit after Hyde attacked me. Instead I put Jaxson in danger. Who does that? If being attacked by Hyde would have meant that Jaxson would be safe than I would gladly deal with it."

"Anastasia don't ever talk like that. You. Did. Nothing. Wrong." He enunciates every word. The fire in his eyes is unlike anything I have ever seen.

"I'm sorry. It's just, I feel so helpless. No mother can sit around while their child is suffering. It is in our DNA. We would gladly change places with our children if it spares them the pain and anguish."

Since I am still sitting on Christian's lap I can feel his entire body tense. Looking into his eyes it seems like he is lost in a thought. The pain he is feeling is reflected, such sorrow and fear. After a few minutes of silence I realize that he isn't just remembering something, he is reliving it.

"Christian what is it?" He doesn't answer. As worried as I am about Jaxson I can't ignore the anguish in his eyes.

I run my hands up his arms and turn my body so my legs are on the bed to his side and I am looking directly at him.

"Please Christian, come back to me."

With no reply I decide to go for broke. "Christian" I whisper as my hands move from his upper arms, to his shoulders, up his neck and hold on to his tense neck. I play with the fine hairs on the back of his neck. "Christian." I whisper once more. When he doesn't answer I gently press my lips to his. I can feel the jolt of electricity that has been there since we first met. Hopefully it is enough to pull him back to the here and now.

After a few moments I feel Christian's hand wrap around my back. He hasn't deepened the kiss but that spark is still ever present. It is like one of those kisses from middle school, no tongue but the it still leaves a mark. You always remember that first kiss.

Gently I pull back and look into steel grey eyes. No longer lost in a memory but somewhat confused.

"Hi!"

"Hi, sorry...I just, um."

I don't think I have ever heard Christian be unsure of himself. "Don't be, do you want to tell me where you went."

"If I don't can I get another kiss."I can feel myself blushing.

"Christian", I know he is trying to lighten the moment but I want to help. I can't if he doesn't talk. "Jaxson always feels better when he tells me what's wrong. I am great at listening."

"Pulling out the big guns are we? I guess if it helps Jaxson it should help me."

Before he can start to explain his phone vibrates with a text.

"That was Taylor. The littlest avenger is safe with the General but we need to stay in lockdown for a little while longer. He will be down to explain once they are all clear."

"The littlest avenger, that's so cute. I'm not going to lie, I won't really believe it until I can see him myself but it helps knowing that my dad is with him. Thank you for everything you are doing."

"I am happy to help. We are friends after all."

"Most definitely, I'm sorry for what I said earlier. Blame it on the medication, the adrenaline, fear, I don't know what. I shouldn't have said that I hate you and that you should go back to being the ass. I could never hate you."

"Glad to hear that."

"Let me make it up to you, how about you tell me what I said that made you zone out." After a few moments where he appears to being weighing his options he seems to have made a decision and starts to open up.

"You said no mother can sit around while their child is suffering. It is in your DNA, that you would gladly change places with your children if it spares them the pain and anguish. The crack whore, um...my birth mother didn't have that DNA. She sat around while I was abused by her pimp. I remember being thrown against a wall, kicked and punched. I have permanent scars from her lack of heart. I was reliving those burns, I can feel each one. The smell of burning flesh is not something I want to remember but during that flashback it was like I was that dirty, underweight little boy that was covered in bruises and burns. I could see her laughing at my tears and my pain. Usually she was so high she wasn't coherent enough to know or care. Where she was going to get her next fix is what was her priority. She called me maggot most of the time. It was clear that she never wanted me. I have wondered why she didn't just give me up for adoption or terminate the pregnancy. Usually I only think about all of this when I am asleep. The nightmares haunt me."

"You have nightmares?"

"Yes" I want to encourage him to continue but I don't know what to say. I continue to run my fingers through the fine hairs on his neck hoping my presence brings some kind of relief. After a few minutes he starts to speak again. It is evident that this is a very difficult topic.

"These past few days I have been thinking about my childhood. For some reason being around Jaxson has brought back all those emotions. Usually I would run from a trigger, instead I have been attached to Jaxson. I have tried to analyze all of these feelings that are completely foreign to me, both the good and the bad."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. No child should feel unwanted and unloved. I can't tell you why your birth mother didn't put you up for adoption, that was her choice. Maybe she was too young, maybe she believed that she would be a great mother and things changed. You don't know what her life was like. Maybe something changed and she transformed from a caring mother into a drug addict. If she was like that when you were an infant the chances of you surviving would have been minuscule. I'm not saying what she did was right or that it justifies how you were treated. I am just pointing out that you don't know the whole story."

"I never thought about it like that. I suppose it is possible. I will never know what happened before I was born. I don't think I can forgive her for what she did or actually what she didn't do."

"Do you think I am a bad mother for allowing this to happen to Jaxson?"

"Of course not. That is absurd. This is Hyde's fault. You are a wonderful mother. You would do anything to protect your child."

"You know that now. What did you think about me when you first heard what happened before you spent any time with myself or Jaxson?"

"That isn't relevant."

"I disagree. What were your first thoughts?" At first it appears like he won't answer the question. Again it seems as though a great internal battle is being warged. Who will be victorious? Minutes later he speaks again and I feel as though I have been punched in the gut.

"Before I met and spent time with yourself and Jaxson I have to admit that I wrongly believed that the Gofundme page was a scam to get."

Did I just hear him incorrectly? Did he really just say that?

"You what, Jaxson is in the hospital. How could you? Do you think I am faking this?" I raise my bandaged arm in front of his face. "Did I fake these too?" I raise the edge of my hospital gown so the bruises and cuts are visible. I move my legs over and try to get off his lap but he holds me in place refusing to allow me to budge an inch.

"Let me go!" I shout as I push him on the chest. "How could you?" I thought he would say I was inattentive or that my choices brought this upon Jaxson and myself. I never imagined that he would think I was fabricating the whole thing. What must other people think?

"Anastasia, please listen to me. Give me a chance to explain. You just told me how great you are at listening to Jaxson's nightmares."

As mad as I want to be I decide that I shouldn't judge when I haven't heard him out.

"Okay, I'm listening."

"Grace is an amazing mother. She is my angel. She saved me but I still remember far more about my first four years than I care to. I have a handful of memories that my birth mother wasn't high as a kite and even those were just a few hours here and there. I remember the smell of weed and watching her roll a joint. I remember the festering skid marks up and down her arms. When I was given allowance for the first time I rolled up the dollar bills because I thought that is how it was supposed to be. I didn't know it was for something other than snorting crack. All of my experiences have imprinted on me and I truly thought that being too high to feed your toddler was normal. It took years of therapy for me to realize that she was not the norm. That she was not a mother and the monster that was her pimp was not how all men treated women.

When I first got the email about the Gofundme page I thought it was fake because I didn't know you. The only other Gofundme page I have looked out was when Elliot forwarded me a link for where the guy wanted to see the Super Bowl or something.

My first thought was that my birth mother would have set up an account if the internet had existed back then. I believe she would have even started a fire with me in it if she thought she could get more money.

I'm sorry that I thought you could be dishonest but you have to understand that it was more about me and my childhood and not you.

The way she treated me has left scars not just the ones on my chest and back. Scars that make it so I have a hard time trusting others. I don't let people get close, physically or emotionally. People are always trying to take advantage of me. Even my mothers best friend raped me.

As the days have gone by I could tell what an amazing mother you are. I knew that my childhood and Jaxson's have been completely different. It is a testament to what an amazing mother you are.

I could have left the hospital at any time. Sure my mother asked that I stay with Jaxson the first day but you know I don't do anything unless I want to. You pointed that out when I first came to the hospital. I could have paid someone to sit with Jaxson. I know you have a host of people that love that incredible boy but I had a connection with him. I didn't want to leave. I can't really explain it. Over the past few days memory after memory of my childhood would finds its way out of my subconscious. Some were Pre-Grey and some were after I became a Grey. Things I haven't thought about in twenty years. When I saw Jaxson alone in his bed asking for you I thought about myself in the hospital. When the child life team would help during Jaxson's treatments or explain his surgery I thought about being a scared little boy, alone, crying and screaming as person after person would touch my chest. How until Grace arrived nobody gave me a choice or explained what they were doing to my body. I know you are nothing like my birth mother. I also know that you had nothing to do with the Gofundme page. I am sorry I thought that you would endanger Jaxson but please know that was just my gut reaction. Other than that you are a beautiful petite brunette you have nothing in common with my birth mother."

I don't know what to say to all if this. I am trying to understand where he is coming from. I know that what happened with husband number three affected me but it was stopped before the worst could happen. My relationship with Carla was horrible growing up but I haven't let that turn me into a soulless hag. What would have happened if daddy hadn't gotten to me in time? What if I didn't have daddy all that time when Carla was neglectful?

"Please forgive me Anastasia. I don't want to loose you and Jaxson" I guess my inner musing has taken too much time.

"I will forgive you under two conditions"

"Anything!"

"So eager Mr. Grey. Don't you want to know what is the stipulation?

"Me. Steele I doubt it is something unreasonable."

"I think you need to tell Grace and Carrick the truth. Secrets always find a way to come out. I hate secrets and I don't want this hanging over our heads."

"They will hate me. I was a terrible kid. This will break my mother's heart."

"Christian, your birth mother may not have had it in her DNA to take care of you but Grace does. You will always be her baby. She might not know what happened when you were fifteen but I guarantee you that she knows something happened. They will never stop loving you. She may cry and be mad at herself for not catching it but she will not turn her back on you."

"Can I think about it for a few days? I will talk to Flynn and maybe we can talk about it."

"That's all I ask."

"What is the second condition?" Christian questions nervously. How bad does he think these will be?

"I would like you to continue to be in Jaxson's life. I feel like the worst mother ever. My baby is in the hospital under lock and key and I am not even with him. I don't want Jaxson to grow up resenting me for all of this. He lost everything he knows. His entire life has been flipped upside down. I don't know how long it will be until we are back together so I would like for what he does know not to change. That is you. You have been his rock these last few days. I don't want that to change."

"Really? I was so scared that you wouldn't want me near him once you knew about my past."

"Like I told my dad, your past is your past. All of your submissive were of age right?"

"Most definitely. Actually they were all over 21 and a few were older than I was."

"Nothing to worry about then. Just don't get any ideas about tying me up. A little bit spice added to a relationship is fine but I will not be calling anyone master."

"Wait, did you just say relationship?"

"If I'm not mistaken when I was unconscious you did say that you would love to take me out and have a redo of the date that never happened."

"I would love to take you out once you have the all clear from the doctors. You really are surprising Anastasia."

I have always hated being called Anastasia but the deep timber of his voice does something to me.

"May I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why didn't you tell me that you remembered my confession to you?"

Well shit. "Um… I was going to tell you but how do you bring that up? I was so worked up about not seeing Jaxson and my little meltdown about being apart it slipped my mind. I don't usually break down like I did today. I'm sorry you had to see that."

"I can understand that. May I ask you something else?"

I only nod. I am feeling kind of stupid for not bringing it up. I am not usually one to shy away from being honest and open even it is about sex. I remember having conversation with dad about boys, sex, periods, birth control and even the difference in condoms. Dad wasn't exactly comfortable with the topics but he always wanted me informed. Women up Steele. Remember no running.

"I have never done this before. I know we haven't been on a date yet but would you be my girlfriend? I have never had one. Not only do I have that special connection with Jaxson; I can feel the spark between you and I. I have never been able to have this type conversation with someone. I was a royal asshole when Mia suggested that we go out. I can't apologize enough for my behavior. I promise not to behave like that again, well I'll try not to be an asshole again."

"You were an asshole but some of Mia's friends are social climbing sluts." Especially Lilly, she doesn't understand that spreading your legs for everyone that buys you a meal is not the way to find your happily ever after.

"Anastasia you're killing me."

" You might hate me when I am outside of these hospital walls. I'm not sunshine and roses twenty four hours a day."

"Anastasia you have already yelled at me many times and I haven't ran screaming yet."

"Are you sure you are not the masochist ? Maybe you should have ran for the hills. Shit I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. I think the pain medications have robbed me of my filter." Seriously Ana?

"At one time I did feel like a masochist. I enjoyed the pain of the belt. It is what I thought I deserved and what I knew. I believed that I didn't deserve to be a part of my perfect family. Elena only enforced those feelings. If my birth mother didn't love me enough to save me than why would anyone else? I now know that isn't true. Each day I am learning more and more. While I have been at the hospital Flynn has been making me see that I am not the horrible monster she made me feel like I was. Actually he has been trying to get me to realize this for years. It has only been since I connected with Jaxson that I have been willing to believe it."

"I'm sorry, that was a careless comment. You have turned your life upside down to help me and my little boy. I truly appreciate everything that you have done. I should not have made a quip like that even if it was in jest." I feel ashamed for even thinking that, let alone voicing it. I am looking at my fingers on my lap. You are better than that Ana. Two strong fingers push my chin up so I am looking into the most beautiful steel grey eyes. I don't see a hint of anger.

"Hey, relationships are about communicating right? I can't promise to get this right but I promise to try my best. I don't believe that you were trying to be hateful. You were making a joke and if you didn't know about my past it would have been completely innocent. We still have a lot of things to learn about each other. Please don't beat yourself up about this. After spending so much time with Jaxson I know that you are a caring, loving, brilliant, and generous person. I would be honored if you would be my girlfriend."


End file.
